11 Things She Wants You To Do In Your Relationship (But Is Too Afraid To Ask For)

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11 Things She Wants You To Do In Your Relationship

This is what she needs from you.

It is often discussed how difficult it is to understand women. While many times this may seem to be the case, I don’t think it necessarily has to be. I think we all are hard to understand sometimes — we even have a hard time understanding ourselves. I know I do.

Particularly in today’s society, men are confused. Some women have told me they don’t want to be approached in public. Some are open to it. Some feel as though chivalrous acts like opening a door or pulling out a chair insinuate that a woman can’t do it herself. Some understand that it’s a way to show love and respect.

One can see how men are receiving mixed messages, often causing them to pull back completely. But, it doesn’t have to be that way.

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If we really observe, pay attention, and learn along the way — we can find some consistencies and reach conclusions about what we as men can understand about how to be a good boyfriend in order to be more in-tuned with the wants and needs of the woman in our life.

1. Accept her strength without being threatened by it.

There are many strong, confident women in the world who take on leadership roles at work and other areas of their life, but subsequently feel that this intimidates men who immediately shy away from them. If this is part of her natural personality, we as men need to decide how we feel about it. We need to understand that being with a strong woman does not emasculate us. If anything, it gives us a teammate in life who we can face challenges alongside as an equal teammate. She wants you to take this as part of her because it is.

2. Show her she can be open and vulnerable with you.

No matter how strong or powerful someone is — man or woman — none of us are bulletproof. We all could use a little taking care of sometimes, and feeling safe around a man is one of the most important gifts we can give to a woman. Not just physically safe — but emotionally safe. Able to open up and show her feelings, uncensored.

If she can’t do this, nothing else will matter.

3. Understand time spent is more valuable than money spent.

Sure, women appreciate gifts and nice things, but they also understand that they are no substitute for your loyalty, love, respect, and time. Those are the things she really wants.


I have heard too many stories about men who are Prince Charming for the first month or two of the relationship until there is a commitment, and then they turn into a completely different person. [Hint: They did not actually change, they just finally stopped putting up a facade].

Romance and courtship should not be reserved for the ‘honeymoon phase’ of a relationship. They should not fade over time but increase as she becomes a bigger and more important part of your life.

5. Make her laugh.

When it comes to keeping a woman’s attention: Manners are important, good looks are a bonus, but humor is a must. Having a great sense of humor is not only important for enjoying each other’s company, but also helping to cope with challenges and keep moods light. Just make sure you don’t make jokes when inappropriate.

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6. Be trusting.

Sure, everyone has to earn trust — but if she hasn’t done anything to make you suspicious and you are that way towards her, it will make her feel undervalued and even begin to wonder if you may be hiding something that you are projecting onto her.

7. Be someone she can trust in return.

And she will, over time, as long as you don’t give her a reason not to. In fact, you both have to trust each other for the relationship to have any hope of working. This is one of the very basic building blocks.

8. Show her she’s desired.

It’s not just a matter of calling her beautiful. It is a matter of making her feel beautiful. To feel sexy. To feel desired — not just from what you say, but by what you don’t say. The way you touch her, the way you look at her, the way you subtly rest your hand on the small of her back when introducing her to someone or when you lay your hand on her knee when you’re driving. The small things that make her feel close to you both physically and emotionally. That connection will go farther than compliments ever will.

9. Be reliable.

A step beyond trust — she wants you to be reliable. Possibly not the sexiest trait for a man to have, but still one of the most important. If a woman is committing herself to you, she has to know that you will be there for her during both the good times and the bad. During the stormy days just as much as the sunny days. Because being there for someone when it’s most difficult, is really all that a relationship is.

10. Be open, honest, and authentic with your communication.

There is a big difference between talking at a woman and talking with a woman. There is also a big difference between hearing her and really listening to her. Active communication is essential to the success of any relationship, because nobody is a mind-reader, and we need to be able to open up to each other in order to express concerns, hopes, likes, dislikes, and our appreciation for each other.

11. Love and accept her for who she truly is.

We all have things we want to improve about ourselves. We all have our own insecurities – but when it comes to the person we love, we don’t pick and choose the parts of them we do or don’t like. We have to accept them as a whole and support them while they work on those things they want to improve.

She wants you to love and accept her as she is while you support her as she grows into the woman she wants to be.

Because after all, when you truly love someone, everything about them automatically becomes beautiful.

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James Michael Sama is an award-winning Boston based blogger on the topics of dating and relationships, having amassed over 30 million readers in just a year and a half. He writes and speaks on the topics of chivalry, romance, and happiness throughout the country and has been featured repeatedly in news segments, talk shows, and mainstream radio.

This article was originally published at James M. Sama. Reprinted with permission from the author.