The 11 Biggest Lies People Want You To Believe About Marriage

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The 11 Biggest Lies You Believe About Marriage

What's the truth about marriage?

By Sylvia Smith

Anywhere from internet forums to your best friend’s “expert” relationship advice, marriage lies are everywhere. As soon as people find out you’re engaged, you become overwhelmed with comments and criticisms spouted off by friends and family.

From marriage advice to marital conflicts, you’ll likely be told how marriage is easy, hard, and of course the outdated statistics about how 50% of marriages end in divorce. Sifting the truth from the lies can be difficult, but don’t give up. Getting married is a beautiful union that is worth your time, effort, and your heart.

So what’s the truth about marriage? Is it all rainbows and sunshine or should you have your Prenup ready? Here are 11 marriage lies the world spreads about couples who say “I do”.

1. Marriage means boring sex.

One of the biggest marriage lies is about the passion long-term couples share between the sheets. Many get into the mindset that because you’re married and sleeping with the same person day in and day out that your sex life somehow becomes less satisfying.

It’s natural for your libido to have highs and lows throughout your life. Therefore, sexual frequency will probably not be as “rabbit-like” after 20 years of marriage as it was when you were newlyweds. This is normal — but that does not mean it has to be boring.

Married couples benefit from the bonding hormone oxytocin that is released during lovemaking. Want some more proof that married sex is the bomb? Women in committed relationships are nearly twice as likely to have an orgasm during sex as unmarried women.

What about the myth that sex dries up after marriage. One fascinating study found that couples who have been married for a long time are more sexually active than newlywed couples of the same age.

RELATED: 6 Legit Reasons Why Married People Have WAY Hotter Sex Lives

2. Your relationship is 50/50.

There is a little piece of marriage advice that goes: “Your relationship is not 50/50. It is 100/100.”

This statement stresses that you should be putting your all into your marriage. To imply that 50% of your time, love, and energy is good enough to maintain a marriage suggests that the other 50% of your energy is going elsewhere.

You are full-time partners. Always. If you want to make your marriage work, you need to each give 100%.

3. Being married is easy.

One of the most common marriage lies revolves around the fairytale theory. As children, we are taught that once the wedding comes you will both live “Happily Ever After”. The end! But wait, how can it be the end when your wedding is just the beginning of your marriage?

When you marry you are essentially melding two lives, two different upbringings, and two separate personalities into one union. Living with another person and committing to them full-time is not always easy.

4. Being married is hard.

Opposite of the above, marriage is not always hard, either.

When you choose your partner carefully, practice honesty and forgiveness, and learn how to communicate with one another, your marriage will remain healthy. Those may sound like hard traits to apply in your life, but when you love someone and are truly committed to one another, there is a driving force that pushes you to find your strength and make it work.

Many couples are quick to tell you how marriage is hard, it’s daunting, and it takes work. It’s stressful. Yes, yes, yes, and yes. But, it isn’t that way 100% of the time. There are many marriages that are hardly “work” at all. Instead, they practice compromise, show compassion, and enjoy one another’s company.

5. Things will be different when you're married.

Another one of the most common marriage lies is that if you’re not happy now, you’ll be happy when you’re married. This is terrible (and false) marriage advice.

If you are hoping to change your spouse by walking down the aisle together, get ready to be disappointed. The truth is, some problems may become even more glaring after your nuptials.

Much like having a baby in an attempt to fix a broken relationship, you cannot force a relationship to work (or your partner to change) by exchanging vows. A marriage can only work when two people truly commit to the union and believe in their wedding vows.

RELATED: 4 Fascinating Ways My Relationship Changed After 1 Year Of Marriage

6. You stand a 50% chance of success.

Marriage advice has hounded couples for decades, reminding them that “50% of marriages end in divorce”. This is not an encouraging statistic.

With one U.S. census revealing that 72% of people are still married to their first spouse and that the average percent of divorce is a mere 30.8%. Yes, new studies indicate that the real percentage of divorce has actually dropped to 35-40%. This means that anywhere from 60-75% of marriages are successful.

7. Your child comes before your spouse.

Should your children really come first? The answer is complicated, but in short: no. Of course, you must make sure to take care of your children’s physical and emotional needs. This is just good parenting. But, you should not put your children first to the detriment of your marriage.

When you put your marriage first and work hard at keeping a strong relationship with your spouse, you will be better parents to your children.

8. Your spouse completes you.

Having a partner is wonderful. When you have a best friend and lover who is always there when you need them, who shows support, love, kindness, strength, and knows how to make you laugh, marriage can be a wonderful thing.

The problems you have with yourself, the emotions that you feel, and any issues you and your partner face will not go away just because you said: “I do”. If you are not happy now, things will not magically change after marriage.

9. Affairs will happen.

Statistics about infidelity and divorce can be haunting to look at. Studies indicate that 25% of married men and 20% of married women will engage in some type of affair during their marriage. This devastating action is what causes so many divorces and emotional separations throughout the marriage.

But wait a second. This means that 75% of married men and 80% of married women stay faithful to their partner. Isn’t this a much more exciting statistic about marriage? While infidelity can happen in a marriage, it should not be expected as a “given”.

10. Divorce is easy.

Some poor marriage advice suggests that if your marriage isn’t working, you can always get divorced. It’s as simple as that! Or, is it?

Divorce is not an easy process. It is emotionally draining and can cause issues with mental health such as depression and anxiety. It is difficult for children. Going through a divorce is also financially straining, with the average cost for a U.S. divorce coming in at $15-30,000.

11. Your marriage cannot be fixed.

Whether your spouse has been unfaithful or you’ve simply grown apart, a common thought about marriage is that once broken, it cannot be fixed.

This simply isn’t true. With proper communication and effort, you can fix your marriage. Remember, you loved this person once. You can do it again.

Marital conflict is bound to happen and it can take some time to decipher the truth from the marital lies. In conclusion, whoever said marriage was easy was definitely telling a little white lie, but that doesn’t mean marriage isn’t worth it. When you and your partner show respect and communicate regularly, you’ll be able to work through any marital conflict and come out stronger on the other side.

RELATED: The 50 Best Marriage Tips Of All Time (From 50 Marriage Experts)

This article was originally published at Good Men Project. Reprinted with permission from the author.