4 Alarming Shifts In Your Sex Life You Should Never, Ever Ignore

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sex life problems
Love, Sex

One or more of these notable changes can signal your relationship is coming to an end.

Keeping sex exciting and passionate between you and your partner can be one of the biggest challenges in your relationship, even if you haven’t been together for a long time. Even though you and your partner may have much in common, even sharing the same value system, the lack of an active sex life could eventually make all that inconsequential.

Perhaps, early on, you couldn’t keep your hands off each other. Has that changed?

Consider this: If your sex life is beginning to lose its prurient luster, if having sex seems like an obligatory chore, or you’re no longer turned on when your partner comes on to you, that serves as a neon beacon that your once-tight relationship may be headed for a loose dead-end.

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If you are among the many who are beginning to feel the “thrill is gone,” it is time to take a close, hard look at these sex life problems to determine whether any of these apply to you: 

1. One or both of you begin to avoid the other.

If you or your mate complain of the traditional "not tonight" headache, comes home from the office after your usual joint bedtime, or quickly exits the bedroom when you get frisky (citing urgent business in the kitchen), you can be sure he/she is in turned-off mode.

Also, if your partner has become aloof, a bit distant conversationally or distracted by everything from online retail shopping to mowing the lawn, you’ve got trouble in the intimate department. Once intimacy wanes, it will be hard to keep your sex life alive and thriving.

2. You and/or your partner have no interest in trying something new and adventurous.

If you once had sex in every room in the house, the front and backyard, the back seat (or front seat) of the car, and some exotic and forbidden locations, and now you’ve simply opted for the same sexual grind, you are clearly on the path of the dispassionate. If you are not incrementally building new excitement into your sex life, it will begin to stagnate, crumble, and then dissipate altogether.

Beware of the open relationship option; it may be stimulating and exciting for a while, but odds are someone will eventually become jealous, resentful or get hurt.

3. You catch your significant other beginning to flirt with someone else.

Whether he or she does this online or in person, it is a sign that he/she is on the way to having an affair — even just a social media one (they are still dangerous). There are far more ways to cheat today than there once was.

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This cheating syndrome may satisfy your partner, but not you. In fact, he or she will likely have little, if any, interest in having sex with you because he/she has become preoccupied with the new person(s). If you and your mate are having occasional sex, one of you may be thinking about the person with whom you are beginning to flirt or having an affair during the act.

If you seem disinterested in your mate, and only want to play the big tease online or at the office holiday party, that is typically one of the first red flags you should heed, because chances are you are not going to become nearly as aroused with your mate as you once did.

4. You're cutting down on how often you’re having sex.

This is probably reflective of a certain sexual ennui that has set in. That same ‘ol routine can spell B-O-R-I-N-G. If you were having sex several times a week and now you two are having sex once a month, you are sliding down the slippery slope toward the big relationship crash.

If you find yourself in this situation, either do some damage control or accept the reality that it is time to begin to look at whether or not your relationship is on its way out.

Keeping your sex life vibrant and exciting does a lot to boost the intimacy in any close romantic relationship. Once you are no longer interested in sex with your mate, that is a clear indication that one or both of you are turned off. Once turned off, the next event in your relationship will likely be an affair.

Very few intimate relationships survive the cheating stage, because once you cheat, the trust between the two of you begins to erode. No relationship can last without a strong foundation of complete trust. So, ultimately, next will come the downfall of the union between the two of you.

If you think your relationship is showing signs of failure in the sex department, step up. Be proactive and hit refresh. Salvaging any part of your relationship takes effort. Chief among the important parts is the task of fostering an exciting and stimulating sex life.

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David J. Glass, a shareholder at the Los Angeles law firm of Enenstein Ribakoff LaVina & Pham, is a Certified Family Law Specialist and has a PhD in Psychology. As such, he understands the many complexities of marriage, family, and divorce on many levels.