The REAL Reason Married People Are Threatened By Single People

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My single status was seen as a threat to monogamous marriage.

Married people tend to love other married people, or so it would seem. I noticed this once I got divorced: none of my friendships changed for the worse (in fact, many changed for the better and became even richer), but couples do like to hang out with other couples.

Typically, it gives one-half of the couple an easier way to socialize. For example, if your husband is a homebody and you want to go out, telling him your friend's husband will be there might make it easier to drag Mr. Homebody out. When you're a smashing single — let's skip that old verbiage of "singleton" because it sounds dull and lonely — sometimes you might not get that invite out with your married friends.

What gives? Are married people threatened by singles? Well, happily married couples aren't threatened but unhappy, insecure ones are.


Most of my married friends couldn't care less whether someone is single or dating 1,000 people. Happily married couples are confident in their partnerships and are not worried about what other people do or don't do.

But unhappily married couples are threatened by singles, for a variety of reasons.

I have had friends — guy friends I've known since high school — discontinue being my friend following my divorce. It was usually due to an insecure wife. It didn't matter that my friend and I were "just friends" and that I would never consider for a minute dating this guy. But the fact that I was single meant I was a threat to the wife, even though I wasn't.

My single status was seen as a threat to monogamous marriage.

And then, of course, there are unhappily married people who reach out singles for either emotional support, flirtation or to participate in what I call "singles tourism":

Singles Tourism (n). the art of an unhappily married person befriending an interesting single person in order to peek in on single life and decide if being single is better than being married.

Singles Touring (v): when an unhappily married person dives into the chosen single's life to decide if he or she has what it takes to be single. Also, on occasion, the unhappily married individual will 'single tour' as an attempt to get emotional satisfaction and flirtation from another man or woman besides his or her spouse.

These people aren't threatened by singles; instead, they're intrigued and in many ways use single people to fulfill a personal need, whereas other married couples love being around other married couples to celebrate or justify their marriage.


In new relationships, your newly married or coupled friends will swarm around other couples as a way of legitimizing their choice to marry. In some ways  dare I say it?  doing this is a way to keep the marriage alive and pumping.

Of course, a new marriage is typically at its peak happiness; however, being around other couples reinforces the choice you made to marry. It's like joining a popular club: finally, you're married just like millions of other people and, perhaps, like the rest of your social group.

For unhappily married people, hanging around other couples keeps them as a functioning unit, albeit an unhappily functioning unit. Hanging around too many happy singles can make the idea of divorce all the more appetizing.

Focusing on being around a social group that's chock full of married people can help reinforce that being married is worth it.