If You're 30 And Not Married, RELAX. You're Fine.

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If You’re 30 And Not Married, RELAX. You’re Fine.
Love, Self

You are better than fine; you are perfect.

You have done exactly what you should have: enjoyed your twenties as a free woman. You were doing “you” and that is exactly what you should have been doing.

I've been married three times. I was 20 when I first got married, which only lasted a couple of years. The next time I was in my late 20s which only lasted a couple of years, and finally, at 33, I married my forever husband and I've never been happier.

Many first marriages aren’t meant to be a marriage at all but rather, a first serious relationship. It may feel like you can’t live without him...and that might be the exact reason why you need to be on your own for awhile.

When you're in your teens and 20s, you should be having fun in relationships and practicing for the real thing. You should be discovering yourself, what makes you tick and what kind of person you would like to spend your life with.

Especially now that we are all living longer, you don't need to get married and have kids right away. The 20s really are an extended teenage-hood today.


Your 20s should be about you exploring options in life, going to school, following dreams, and, yes, exploring sexuality and relationships in different styles and forms. Have you even kissed a girl? I'm not saying that everybody has to do it, but I'm glad I had time in my 20s to explore what was right for me. I don't want to be 50 and wishing I had experienced that ménage a trois.

It's not until your 30s that you really begin to know yourself and understand who you are. Think back to who you were 5 to 10 years ago; think about how much you've grown and how much you've changed.

When you are in your early 20s, you tend to think you know everything there is to know, but often, you lack deep wisdom. The man you think is the love of your life is probably more a matter of proximity: he lived down the street or you met in college. He happened to be the first person you met and connected with.

If you're into statistics, just look at the numbers. People who get married younger face a higher divorce rate. In fact, I think we should be convincing our younger friends to wait to get married.

People are living longer, better and healthier. That's only going to increase as we move into the future with major advances in medicine coming our way.


Let's face it: we just aren't as mature as generations before us were in their 20s because we don't have to be. We’ve got longer to live, so we can afford to be “young” a little longer. Many people are waiting to have children until they're in their 30s or early 40s. Just think about how much wiser and better prepared you will be when you're older.

The days of being an “old maid” for not being married at 30 are long gone. You no longer need to have 10 children to work the farm so that you can survive. You’re probably only going to only have one or two kids anyway, so there’s no need to start early.

For those of you who wanted to be a young mom so you could be a hot mom or a MILF, is it worth it? Please don’t worry about your looks fading or little wrinkles encroaching upon your face or one or two gray hairs sprouting. You're not going to turn into an old lady overnight; it's not like Cinderella and the clock striking midnight and suddenly everything good vanishes.

And really, would you want to have any sneaking suspicion that the man marrying you is marrying you for your looks? You want a man to love you for who you are on the inside.


You'll be on the right side of history in the end. The trend for marrying older will continue and soon people will think getting married in your 20s is insane.

Just as we no longer talk about an ideal body image, except for what's right for you, we also should be getting to the point that the same goes for the right age to do things. Just look around: there are grandmas pumping iron and grandpas graduating college at 90.

If you're 30 and not married, you are lucky. Hopefully, you have had more time to become stable financially, emotionally and spiritually.

Reassure yourself that if you had married in your 20s, you might be a divorcée right now, and if you had kids, you'd be dealing with child support and who gets the kids on Thanksgiving.

Remember: 30 is the new 20, just like 40 is the new 30. Or how about 30 is flirty, 40 is sporty and 50 is nifty?

It boils down to this: 30 is just a number. Who really cares how many times you’ve spun around the sun? Let go of the way you think things are meant to be and let yourself settle into the right place, at the right time, for you.

Someone will fall into your life, so let go of the need to control and let love find you when you least expect it.