If She Doesn't Scare The Sh*t Out Of You, She's Not The One

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If She Doesn't Scare the Shit Out of You, She's Not The One

What are you afraid of? Being more interesting?

If she confidently discusses going after big, seemingly-ridiculous dreams and she doesn't seem to hear people laughing at her about them, she's the one.

If she's cool getting filthy in her nicest clothes to help someone out of a jam, she's the one.

If she surprises you with knowledge about the customs of a subversive underground culture, she's the one.

Simply put, in the search for "someone to take home to Mother," keep in mind that it won't hurt you or your mom to be a little uncomfortable every so often.


There's this big, antiquated, stupid myth out there that, in order to build a life with another person, we need to find someone to "settle down" with who is "safe" and "consistent," and all these other code words for "stagnant" and "boring." And then we act surprised when so many people start looking for excitement outside of long-term relationships. It's more than a bit ludicrous.

Listen: obviously I'm not talking about criminal activity here. If she violates you physically, continually disregards your emotional boundaries, or generally puts you at risk, get out of there. This applies to anyone you're spending time with, really. "Pushing you outside of your comfort zones so you can grow" is not the same as "irreparably damaging your psyche by routinely threatening your safety."

However, you really can find someone who makes you feel comfortable being your authentic self while also challenging your beliefs and habits. This allows you both to grow as stronger, more well-rounded people.


In an ideal world, that's what every relationship would provide for those involved. We all know those older couples who have been stewing in a two-person echo chamber of their own bullsh*t for so long that they have no discernable identities and don't seem to have mentally progressed since the day they met.

It's creepy and weird no matter how tame or wild their little paradigms are, and yet it's entirely possible that any of us can turn out that way if we settle into a life with someone who parrots our every belief and mimics our every habit.

Find someone who challenges and fascinates you while keeping your ego in check, and you'll not only never be bored, but you'll be doing yourself a favor by continuing to grow.


Friction creates fire, diamonds need to be polished with something abrasive to shine, and people turn into the best versions of themselves outside of their comfort zones. So do yourself a favor and find someone who challenges what you thought you knew about yourself.

What are you afraid of? Being more interesting?