20 Thoughts Everyone Has While Watching 'Bachelor In Paradise'

Photo: Rick Rowell/ABC
Bachelor in Paradise
Love, Heartbreak

It's like nothing you've ever seen before ... except for last season.

We're over halfway through ABC's most ridiculous spin-off, Bachelor In Paradise, and it's anything but a let down. We wanted drama, crying and hook ups, and we got all of that, plus a raccoon attempting to get drunk. What else can we ask for?

This season gave us a plethora of rejected former Bachelor and Bachelorette contestants including the resident crier Ashley I., the odd, but relatable Ashley S., the meathead Mikey T., and of course, the villain, Joe.

Let's recap all the drama thus far:

First off, Jade and Tanner, and Carly and Kirk, immediately hit it off and have been together since the show started, which is kind of cute.

Ashley I was super into Jared, and Jared was kind of meh about it ... until he went on a date with Claire and was like, "You're old," and went back to Ashley I., But then, he told her he loved Kaitlyn and she cried.

Tenley had a few guys after her but ultimately chose Joshua, which is pretty boring at the moment.

Dan was dating Ashley S. and then decided he wasn't super into it. So, he took Amber out and naturally, Ashley S. started talking to animals. It's OK though; this week she went out with Nick, and they got wasted and made out a lot.

Joe took Juelia (the widowed mother) and led her on because he was waiting for Samantha to show up and needed a rose. Of course, she comes in the day after he got the rose from Juelia; they got hot and heavy very quickly, and then it was revealed they were texting before the show started. THE HORROR.

Alright, so everyone is pissed at Joe and Samantha because of their horrifying scheme, but as it turns out she was texting a bunch of dudes. So, she basically told Joe she wasn't feeling it.

JJ went home a hero because he gave his rose to a friend and then ran home to a girl he left behind. He gave a really long-winded speech and it was really weird.

This is quality television, folks.

Here are 20 thoughts everyone has while watching Bachelor In Paradise:

1. The intro is literally the worst.
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2. Chris Harrison would be reading his own book in the intro.
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3. It's been like two minutes! Why is that girl already crying?
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4. I'm going to start drinking.
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5. I just don't understand what these people have to be upset about on the beach in Mexico.
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6. How many crabs are in this house? How do they sleep knowing crabs are everywhere?
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7. Solid crabs pun right there ... and no one is around to hear it.
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8. Why does that girl think she knows that guy so well?
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9. I literally have no idea why I'm watching this.
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10. I'm so happy this is my fourth glass of wine.
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11. Joe actually has two girls fighting over him?
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12. Jorge The Bartender is pretty much the only likable one here. He should get a rose.
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13. Do any of these people actually date, or is it one long rose ceremony?
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14. They're all playing each other! The entire show is a game; why does no one understand this?
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15. My brain is actually exploding.
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16. I wish I was as drunk as these people must constantly be.
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17. Chris Harrison's job though...
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18. I wonder how I could get paid to say, "This is the final rose tonight."
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19. Oh, the Kim Kardashian girl is crying again...
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20. Wait, so this is on how many days a week?
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