The Real Reason You're Single? You're A Garden-Bearded Hipster

Brooklyn hipster

Single and over 40? Science says it's because you're a hipster.

Throughout history, certain groups, cultures, and religions have been hated for no other reason than the fact that they just happen to be THAT certain group, culture, or religion. But anyone who's taken the time to truly think about hate and realize it's a waste of energy can learn to be above it. Sure, stereotypes might exist for a reason, but stereotyping someone is never pretty.

If you happen to live in a major city, New York, most specifically, you may have noticed that the group on the chopping block for the last few years or so are the hipsters. Considering the original "hipsters" were a jazz-loving, drug-taking subculture in the 40's and 50's, and included such geniuses as Jack Kerouac and Allen Ginsberg, how it is that some trust fund, PBR-swilling people who claim to be "artistes" also got this title, I will never understand. But here we are, in 2014, and the word hipster is still in use, although this time for people that the rest of us just don't particularly like. There's just something about someone who deliberately goes out of their way to be different, despite knowing deep down they're a dime a dozen, just for the sake of attention. But, hey, this is just how I categorize hipsters. It's different for different people, and to prove that, I've been called a hipster far too many times in my life. I AM NOT A HIPSTER.

Basically, the majority of us can agree that hipsters are the absolute worst, right? Not just because of their affinity for PBR and ironic t-shirts, but because they ruin everything. It wasn’t enough that they wrecked Brooklyn by pricing out families who had lived there for decades, or even that the streets of Williamsburg now look like some ridiculous competition for who can be the most obnoxious. No, that wasn’t enough for them; they had to go and destroy the lives of singles everywhere, too. Do these hipsters have no shame?!

Thanks to hipsters and their most recent annoying trend, the garden beard, because OF COURSE, dating has become more difficult for other people. I speak the truth!

A new study has found that older singles, as in those over 40, just might not be able to score in the online world because of all those lovely, (garden bearded!) hipsters. Research by the dating site AYI.com discovered that of the 6.2 million online interactions that they looked into, Brooklyn singles over 40 were only contacted by 7.3 percent of those who looked at their profiles. Ouch.

According to Joanna Barber, a spokeswoman for AYI, "We're clearly obsessed with the young and beautiful in NYC, but maybe it's really the ultra-hipster, youth-oriented culture in Brooklyn [that's to blame]."

What the wha?! I mean, yeah, PBR is good when you're already half in the bag, and being able to talk to a dude about the most recent Phosphorescent album will win me over in a heartbeat, but this is just silly talk. Some people are into older folks, right?

Unfortunately, for older Brooklyn daters, they've been forced to look for love — gasp — in other boroughs like Queens, the Bronx, and, the one place no one from Brooklyn or Manhattan really wants to go looking for possible soulmates: Staten Island.

My disdain for hipsters aside, Barber has a point. It IS about youth and beauty, especially when you're doing the online thing and only have a photo and a few questions to choose from or, on the part of the profile-creator, have to prove that you’re super awesome. We live in a society where women start delving into plastic surgery as young as their 20's, and when they're 80+ and go into public, as Kim Novak did during the Oscars, they're shamed for trying to do something about their age. Breaking news, you guys: if the world weren't so obsessed with youth, we wouldn't see such, um, (I love you Kim!) interesting results. Also, dating online wouldn't be such a pain in the ass.

As much as it pains me, I don't think we have hipsters to blame for the lack of dates that people over 40 are getting; we have youth to blame. But in the words of Oscar Wilde, "I'm not young enough to know everything," so I'm not the most reliable source.