Dirty Laundry: Some Creep Gave My Girlfriend Lingerie

Daisy-printed underwear on a clothesline
Love, Sex

One guy speaks out about the creep who gave his girl friend lingerie.

Last year, some guy who I don't get along with sent my girlfriend lingerie as a gift.

She doesn't think it was weird for him to do that, because he works at a lingerie company. Also, he knows her outside of just being my girlfriend, so it was "fine," she says. She isn't his biggest fan, but a gift is a gift. Free underwear is free underwear. We're in a recession. I get it.

But let's be real, it wasn't cool for him to do it and it proves that he's a huge creep. Lingerie is not a gift you give to your friends. The timing of it was also suspect because the guy and I had just had a few unpleasant encounters.

My girlfriend can usually tell when somebody is being generally creepy and I am not upset with her, but like I said, this guy is a super creep. When I say that, I mean that he's very skilled at being creepy. It's like how you watch a great comedian's act and you don't even realize they're telling jokes. Everything is super funny, but it just seems so natural. The audience doesn't realize its a joke, they just think its a conversation. Other comedians, however, would know and see what was actually going on.

That's how this coconut is with being a creep. He's so good at it, you'd have to also be a creep to see through it. I'm not saying that I'm a creep, but I am a guy, and all guys are creeps, so yes, I am a creep. Guys aren't all equally creepy, and I like to think that I'm one of the less creepy guys out there, but I can still recognize it. My girlfriend? She isn't a creep at all, so that makes me the expert here.

Seriously. It's like arguing about giraffe stuff with a giraffe. You may just see a giraffe enjoying a snack from the top of a tree, but I see a giraffe being a pervert. You wouldn't notice, because you're not a giraffe.

My girlfriend doesn't get why this upset me because she doesn't think it's a big deal. He needed her measurements to send the right type of lingerie. Everything he asked for or said made sense, so she doesn't think he was up to anything. Since she's never seen him be overtly creepy to her before, she thinks it's all ok.

Also, he only asked for her measurements. She doesn't understand that for a guy as thirsty as this one, her measurments are like finding a bottle of Coke in the middle of the desert.

Girls don't know that guys don't understand girls clothes sizes at all. Especially underwear measurements. I don't know what those numbers mean, or how they're figured out. No guy does. Some may claim to, but they're LIARS. Even the way measurements are given is mysterious. They are like some sort of complicated combination. And now, this thirsty, desert-dwelling creep has her combination.

In her mind, so what? He can't do anything with those numbers. Those numbers aren't actually a combination, so it's not like he could even do anything if he wanted to. There's no safe.

Her other defense is that he did this for a bunch of girls we know. Well, guess what? That's just what a creep would do. Being pervy and being faithful don't really go together. There's no one-girl kind of creep. Of course he would ask every girl he can. He's a giraffe. 

It's a jungle out there, guys. Beware of the creepy giraffes. Your girl thinks they're harmless, but we know otherwise.