People With Low Emotional Intelligence Do These 10 Things On A Regular Basis
Emotional intelligence plays a crucial role in our relationships with others.
Maples Images | Shutterstock Our intelligence is put to the test every single day, and it's not just about being a bookworm. You've probably heard the words "emotional intelligence" (EQ), but what does it really mean? Emotional intelligence helps us to further react and understand the world. And it doesn't have anything to do with knowing math equations or remembering something that happened so long ago.
Like intellectual intelligence, we are all not on the same level of emotional intelligence. And whether it's holding a grudge or getting offended easily, people with low emotional intelligence do these things on a regular basis. They often struggle to understand their own feelings, as well as those of others, making them difficult to get along with.
People with low emotional intelligence do these 10 things on a regular basis
1. Hold grudges
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Holding a grudge may be an initial response to stress and, in a way, can be used as a wall against perceived threats. Unfortunately, as marriage and family therapist Kathy McCoy explained, when you hold a grudge, it can only lead to negative things.
"Grudges can keep people stuck in anger, bitterness and blame, negatively impacting subsequent relationships. Grudges can keep you rooted in the past instead of finding joy in the present. In holding a grudge, you unwittingly give the other person negative power over your life and emotions instead of moving on and creating a new and better life for yourself," she said.
Of course, sometimes people hold a grudge against those who have deeply hurt them, and that's to be expected. But for people who lack emotional intelligence, they tend to hold on too long.
2. Lose control of their emotions
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Someone with low emotional intelligence doesn't have a good grasp over their feelings, which means they may lash out without understanding why they are upset to begin with. But this isn't a permanent thing because just as you can read books to increase your intellectual intelligence, emotional intelligence is also a learned skill.
According to a study published in PLOS One, which involved emotional intelligence training for company senior managers, the results "demonstrated significant improvements in their ability to perceive, understand, and accept their own and others' emotions in an effective way, be self-reliant, achieve personal goals, manage stress, have a positive attitude, and control and manage emotions," with several indications for "promising practical implications."
3. Lack self-awareness
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Whether it's being unaware of their emotions or not wanting people to know how they're feeling, people with low emotional intelligence do these things on a regular basis. And it's because they lack self-awareness.
But relationship coach Jordan Gray suggests mindfulness as a strong way to improve your emotional intelligence, explaining, "Raising your emotional intelligence is predicated on you slowing down, and gradually becoming more aware of yourself and others."
In practice, this includes slowing down to feel your feelings, fully processing your negative emotions, communicating your emotions to people you trust, observing your reactions to others (both internal and external), and learning to trust yourself.
4. Frequently jump to conclusions
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When someone has low emotional intelligence, they may have a distorted view of situations, which causes them to make sweeping, dramatic assumptions. Unfortunately, as psychology professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne pointed out, "As it turns out, jumping to conclusions can not only interfere with your relationships but if it is a severe enough pattern, it can also be harmful to an individual's mental health."
This behavior not only makes a person extremely unhappy, but can affect their ability to maintain romantic relationships. It also shows other people that they can't handle their emotions.
5. Get offended easily
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While people with high emotional intelligence are more resilient in the face of criticism, those who have low emotional intelligence may feel hurt more easily. Because of their inability to regulate their emotions, they feel them much more intensely.
As one study from Frontiers in Psychology found, when people who can't regulate their feelings are confronted with strong emotions, they may have outbursts, be more impulsive, or find comfort in coping mechanisms that don't really help.
6. Offend others unknowingly
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Whether it's a rude joke or saying something they should have kept private, people with low emotional intelligence do these things on a regular basis. Unfortunately, they may not hold themselves accountable for how their words or actions affect others, and they say things without thinking. Even if they had no ill intentions, it displays a big lack of empathy on their part.
In a study from Behavioral Sciences, researchers defined emotional intelligence as "the ability to identify, understand, and use emotions positively to manage anxiety, communicate well, empathize, overcome issues, solve problems, and manage conflicts." Empathy is associated with emotional intelligence as it relates to one connecting their personal experiences with others.
7. Feel unmoved by sad movies or stories
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Part of having low emotional intelligence is having a lack of understanding of nuanced emotion, as well as a lack of compassion. Someone with a low EQ doesn't know how to put themselves in another person's situation. When they're watching sad movies or listening to sad stories, it's separate from reality.
According to counselor Audrey Tait, the way a person was raised can affect how they view these experiences. "If you grew up in a fairly healthy emotional environment, you're likely to have a fairly healthy EQ as a result. If you don't tend to experience much in the way of emotions, however, you may have been so traumatized by past experiences that your unconscious mind shut down your emotional capacity. In such instances, you may generally go about life feeling frozen or numb," she revealed.
8. Lack stable friendships
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People with low emotional intelligence have a hard time relating to others and, as such, may have a hard time keeping up with friends. They are guilty of misunderstandings and constant conflicts, and tend to come off as abrasive as a result.
With society currently suffering from a loneliness epidemic, for people with low EQ, this lack of connection can greatly impact them. In fact, one study found that 36% of Americans say they have a hard time keeping friendships.
9. Have difficulty reading the room
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People with low emotional intelligence have difficulty reading the room on a regular basis. Because they're often out of touch with others and only think about themselves, it's hard for them to put themselves in other people's shoes. When they are told they are being rude, they may not see anything wrong with the situation.
According to Tait, "Your EQ affects every aspect of your life, from your basic human emotions to the way you relate with others." This is because the extent to which you know how to read people defines your ability to experience any peace, love, joy, or chaos that you might experience.
10. Assume everyone thinks the same way they do
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People with a low EQ may assume everyone is on the same page they are, even when that couldn't be further from the truth. They believe they are right in every situation, and make no room for differing opinions or points of view.
Unfortunately, this not only isolates their friends and family, it can lead them to comparing themselves to others. And that can end up leaving them with damaged self-esteem.
Isabell Tenorio is the Opinions Editor at The Pine Log and a contributor to YourTango. She writes on a variety of topics, including current events, astrology, and pop culture.
