People Who Lack Compassion Often Display These 10 Behaviors Without Even Realizing
A lack of compassion shows up in ways most people don't notice, but these behaviors give it away.
Osama Madlom | Unsplash Do you truly know what it's like to experience receiving compassion from the person you love? Or does compassion seem to be a personality trait they're sorely lacking in? Compassion seems like an uncomplicated feeling, but to a narcissist, it's nonexistent. What does a lack of compassion look like in behavior?
According to one study, personality-disordered individuals, or narcissists, perceive the world in black-and-white terms. They have a polarized view, which idealizes or denigrates people. Individuals are perceived as either good or bad. Often, personality-disordered individuals value people who agree with their perspective and devalue or lack empathy for people who don’t.
People who lack compassion often display these 10 behaviors without even realizing:
1. They control conversations
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They like to talk about themselves and will dominate conversations. If you disagree with their opinions, you will quickly be dismissed or ignored.
Conversational narcissism is a term used to describe a communication style where an individual monopolizes a conversation and consistently redirects the focus back to themselves. They appear bored or uninterested when the conversation is not about them.
2. They interrupt conversations
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They will interrupt a conversation to ensure that the topic turns back to themselves — their favorite topic.
An inability to manage impulses can make a person less likely to wait their turn to speak. An American Psychological Association study explained that individuals who interrupt might struggle to process what others are saying because they are more focused on what they want to say next.
3. They'll break the rules
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They not only frequently break the rules, but also enjoy doing so. They will lie, cheat, and steal just for the pleasure of getting away with something.
Research shows that individuals with these traits often act against others to achieve their own ends. Each quality can be harmful, but when combined, they can be particularly detrimental to the mental and emotional health of those around them.
4. They frequently violate boundaries
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They will overstep and use other people without consideration for their feelings. They will break promises and "forget" their obligations.
An avoidant attachment style makes individuals less capable of forming deep emotional connections. Since they do not have genuine attachments, they do not have to contend with the natural social consequences of violating someone's trust.
5. They project a false persona
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They will often exaggerate who they are, what they own, and who they know in high places. They will make up stories of grand experiences to make themselves appear better than others.
Research indicates that this persona is often poorly calibrated and may fail to anticipate others' genuine emotional reactions. This can lead to impression mismanagement and reveal the underlying deception.
6. They have a huge sense of entitlement
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They often expect special treatment and to have their needs placed in front of others. They expect others to cater to them, but will not return the favor.
Entitled people operate with a constant vulnerability to their expectations not being met, research has found. When this happens, it creates emotional distress, which is then managed by reinforcing their sense of superiority
7. They can be charming
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They often have charismatic and exciting personalities. When they're interested in you, they'll make you feel like the center of the universe. Once you are theirs, you become less important to them.
An observer's perception of a person's charisma is influenced by their own biases. The intensity and confidence displayed by these individuals can be mistakenly perceived as authentic leadership qualities, one study explained.
8. They have an exaggerated sense of self
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They think they are very important, and that others cannot live without them or their contributions to their lives.
Their exaggerated sense of self is a defense mechanism against deep-seated shame and low self-esteem. Research on narcissistic personality disorder found that they are emotionally reactive and will lash out with anger or passive-aggressive behavior when they feel criticized.
9. They are skilled in cutting you down
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They can be emotionally abusive. They put others down to make themselves feel superior. If you insult a narcissist, they typically come back with extreme and heated anger.
Their limited emotional capacity allows them to exploit the vulnerabilities of others for personal gain without guilt. A 2022 study suggested that a person can deliver a thinly veiled insult under the guise of a joke or compliment, allowing them to deny their hostile intent if confronted.
10. They're extreme manipulators
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Narcissists specialize in controlling others and the environment around them to suit their own needs, research has shown. They do not worry about the consequences of their decisions for anyone else involved.
Looking back now, if I had understood at the time who I was dating, who I was marrying, and what these personality types look like… If I had known that they don’t change, that things get worse, and what the warning signs of abuse were, maybe I wouldn't have been turning off those romance movies all of those years.
It’s not too late for you. If you’re enmeshed in abuse, you can still find your way out. We can all find a way to a better life, and we can all watch romance movies right to the very end. I do now, every time.
Susan Sparks is an author, journalist, advocate, and entrepreneur.
