11 Reasons Why The Nicest Women Have The Fewest Friends, Especially As They Get Older
They care more about quality friends.
fizkes | Shutterstock Making friends isn't easy, especially as people get older. In a world that's becoming more isolated, it's hard to find one genuine friend that you can be yourself around. But if there's one group of people that struggles the most when it comes to connecting with others, it's nice women.
Filled with positivity and authenticity, they want a real friendship, but are often let down time and time again. But as time goes on, their priorities shift and they want something different from their friends. Whether it's no longer tolerating drama or investing in themselves, there are many reasons why the nicest women have the fewest friends, especially as they get older. And it's all for the best.
Here are 11 reasons why the nicest women have the fewest friends, especially as they get older
1. They value quality over quantity
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Most nice women aren't too keen on surface-level friendships. Sure, talking about music or interests can be fun, but like everyone else, they're looking for connection. According to a study published in the American Journal of Medicine, human beings are wired for connection.
Due to this deep-seated need, many nice women find themselves seeking it out more than the average person. Blame it on their authentic nature, but because of their genuine personality, they want something that's real, even if it isn't always easy. So, while having friends to shop with is fun, they usually prefer quality over quantity.
2. They've been burned before
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One of the big reasons why the nicest women have the fewest friends, especially as they get older, is because they've been hurt by friends in the past. Whether it was gossiping behind her back or betraying her trust, it's hard for her to not let the past dictate the present.
Sometimes, she's taken for granted, as people assume that her kind-hearted nature makes her an easier target. And while nice women might not say anything in the moment, eventually they'll cut people off as they slowly realize they can't be trusted.
3. Emotional labor has exhausted them
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A lot of nice women act as the therapists in their friend group. People come to them to vent and discuss every single inconvenience they've gone through. And while these women don't mind showing up when it counts, emotional labor has exhausted them.
Showing up for friends is one thing, but always being bombarded by negative things is completely different. Even if their friends don't see it, showering anyone with negativity is bound to backfire.
According to family medicine resident Hannah S. Packiam, "Not only can negative thinking adversely affect our mental health (by worsening anxiety and depression), but it can also affect our physical health (by raising blood pressure and making it more difficult to recover from illness)."
4. They set boundaries
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Many people aren't great at setting boundaries. So desperate to please others and be there for them, they end up disregarding their own feelings in favor of catering to those around them. And while many women don't see anything wrong with that, for women who have a small social circle, it's because of these boundaries.
It isn't easy to put their foot down and say no thank you, but they also understand that, in the adult world, you have to be willing to speak up. Even if it's something small, always disregarding their boundaries is going to cause them discomfort. So, nice women respectfully assert themselves.
5. Their priorities have shifted
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Life changes quickly; what once used to be about school or dating can quickly become about climbing the corporate ladder or raising kids. And while many nice women try to keep their friends close, a shift in priorities can allow people to grow apart.
It doesn't always have to do with life, but if someone isn't aligning with their goals, nice women are quick to leave that friend. They may not do it automatically, but they'll slowly separate themselves from the people in their lives who remain stagnant.
As psychotherapist Amy Morin explained, "Your inner circle holds immense power over your mental health and personal growth. Who you allow into that circle shouldn't be a casual decision, as those people affect your emotional well-being and your mental strength."
6. They don't tolerate drama
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Their inability to tolerate drama is one of the big reasons why the nicest women have the fewest friends, especially as they get older. Just because they're kind, that doesn't mean they want to deal with mean-spirited people or gossip.
These women will always find a way to decline and change topics politely. It's not because they don't care about their friends' feelings, but because they know that the more they engage in drama, the more it'll impact their peace.
7. They don't engage in competition
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There's nothing wrong with a little bit of competition. At family reunions or at birthday parties, playful competition isn't going to hurt anyone. But women with few friends aren't competitive, which can cause them to have a smaller social circle.
Friendships are meant to inspire us, not belittle us. Even if someone is going through a rough patch and is feeling insecure, the last thing they should strive for is throwing their friend under the bus. Yet this is exactly what happens as some friends don't know how to let go of their competitive nature.
Jealousy is a normal emotion. As clinical psychologists Chandra Estelle Khalifian and Kayla Knopp explained, "It's an opportunity to understand yourself better and strengthen your relationships — if you know how to work with it." But people should learn to control their natural reactions, rather than allowing their insecurities to get the better of them.
8. They have better standards
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In the past, these women had poor standards. No matter how bad her friends treated her, she couldn't help but give excuse after excuse. Unfortunately, all this did was cause her more heartache, which is why she now has fewer friends: her standards have improved.
Many nice women have a calming personality. After spending endless nights crying and feeling insecure about her friends and their actions, she finally put her foot down and learned to keep her standards high.
It wasn't easy, as cutting off people never is, but even if it's hard, sometimes people need to push past their comfort zone in order to find the peace they're looking for.
9. They no longer chase people
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Nobody wants to change others, and nice women are no exception. In an ideal, happy, and healthy friendship, each person will give their all, without expecting much in return. Unfortunately, not everyone is as stable or as present as they ought to be, and nice women refuse to chase friends.
Perhaps they engaged in unhealthy or toxic behavior before this. Filled with negativity, they did things that were out of character to feel validated and loved. Yet chasing can only get people so far.
Remember: a relationship takes two. As physician Kristen Fuller said, "[Friendship] is a two-way street of patience, endurance, trust, kindness, communication, and compromise." So, even if it's hard, nice women have learned to let go and, as a result, become the best version of themselves.
10. They've outgrown their people-pleasing tendencies
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Another of the reasons why the nicest women have the fewest friends, especially as they get older, is because they've stopped being people-pleasers. Perhaps they were raised this way and it's affected them for most of their lives, but now, they know better.
Instead of catering to the needs of their friends, nice women began to feel drained as they focused too much time on making their friends happy and less time on themselves. Luckily, all of this changed once they let go of their people-pleasing tendencies.
11. They're investing more time in themselves
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When the time of putting others first ends for nice women, it means their social circle may shrink. Because they've had enough, they put their own needs before that of their friends, usually as a result of burnout or being burned.
They cut their friends off and only keep a few true friends who genuinely care and support them. They also learned to prioritize self-care, leading to unbelievable benefits in the long run. As the National Institute of Mental Health explained, "Self-care can play a role in maintaining your mental health and help support your treatment and recovery if you have a mental illness."
Marielisa Reyes is a writer with a bachelor's degree in psychology who covers self-help, relationships, career, family, and astrology topics.
