11 Signs A Person Has Been Through Some Seriously Tough Times And Didn't Break
They've grown in the face of adversity.
Lesia Kapinosova | Shutterstock Although trauma and navigating rough patches in life are often disorienting, a study from Frontiers in Psychiatry found that many who experience them come out stronger on the other side. They develop a sense of resilience, characterized by self-awareness, cognitive flexibility, and self-regulation that support them through difficult times, relationships, and social situations in the future.
Many signs that a person has been through some seriously tough times and didn't break are rooted in this strong sense of resilience. They know how to protect themselves, forge a path forward, and regulate strong emotions in the face of adversity, even if everyone around them feels confused and uncertain. While many things still plague them in navigating tough times, their resilience often shines through.
Here are 11 signs a person has been through some seriously tough times and didn't break
1. They're calm in chaotic situations
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Many people fall into a "fight or flight" response in the face of chaos, overwhelming social situations, or anxiety, letting the chaos of their nervous system prevent them from doing even the most simple daily tasks. However, remaining calm in these situations and having strategies for coping with external chaos are some of the signs a person has been through some seriously tough times and didn't break.
They know what to do to regulate their own emotions, even if it means creating space or regulating their nervous system with certain activities, so they can show up as a calm, cool, and collected person while everyone else struggles to ground themselves.
Others may simply show up more calmly because they've been through worse. Whether it's a work meeting gone awry or a stressful argument with a partner, they've dealt with worse and have the perspective to solve problems and resolve conflict without fear.
2. They appreciate the little things
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Whether it's little things in a relationship or finding pockets of respite through their stressful days, appreciating the small beauties of life is one of the signs of a person who has been through some seriously tough times and didn't break. They know how to leverage their perspective now for all it's worth, focusing on the small joys of life and appreciating their resilience, even when things are hard.
Especially for people who actively deal with their deep-rooted trauma, rather than suppressing and ignoring it, appreciating the smaller and more meaningful parts of their lives is easier.
3. They laugh at themselves
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According to a study published in the Journal of Loss and Trauma, many people cope with difficult times and trauma by using humor, especially self-deprecatory humor. Rather than bottling everything up and making social situations more uncomfortable for themselves, they learn to laugh through it and find support when they truly need it.
Even in difficult situations now, their laughter lessens pain, promotes a happier mood, and bonds them with the people around them. It's more powerful than a funny joke or a fake smile, but it's a seriously important coping mechanism as they continue to live their lives.
4. They celebrate their small wins
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Celebrating small wins and acknowledging little moments in life activates the brain's reward system, giving people a boost in mood, connection, and appreciation, even when things are tough.
People who have been through seriously tough times not only have the perspective to appreciate the little things and accomplishments, but they also tend to use these moments as a coping skill. When things get tough or their anxiety seeps in, the gratitude and appreciation of small wins is the perfect way for them to take a step back.
5. They don't seek external validation
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Many people who have developed resilience in the face of adversity or trauma learn to be independent. Even if it's sometimes an issue of hyper-independence, most of the time, it's a shift away from external attention and acceptance.
Rather than seeking external validation from others, they learn to rely on themselves. They're internally gratified, knowing that no matter what comes their way, they can handle it.
6. They're not afraid of being alone
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Being comfortable with solitude and appreciating alone time are some of the signs a person has been through some seriously tough times and didn't break. They've had to learn how to look after themselves and dig deep to heal from trauma, so in their daily lives now, they appreciate the sanctity of their personal space and time.
Of course, many people who have been through tough times still have deep and meaningful relationships with people. These are the "safe relationships," experts from Mindview Psychology explained, that fill their social time, but they generally prefer and appreciate solitude to look after themselves.
7. They're resourceful under pressure
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Even when things get stressful at work or arguments get heated with their partners at home, someone who's been through seriously tough times is effortlessly resourceful. They know how to regulate themselves and approach hard situations from a calm perspective, but they also know how to reduce tension in social interactions and find solutions to problems quickly.
According to a study from the Journal of Traumatic Stress, resilient people often prioritize resourcefulness over mental toughness. They don't power through or try to suppress emotions in hard situations, but rather, they focus on finding resolutions and solutions to move forward.
8. They forgive openly
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Especially when they heal with positive interventions and deal with trauma from a holistic perspective, people who are effortlessly resilient tend to boast high levels of self-compassion and improved mental health, according to a study from Behavior Modification.
They not only know the benefits of forgiving others and letting go of grudges in their relationships, but they also tend to forgive themselves. They're not adding stress or anxiety onto their lives for the sake of punishing themselves for mistakes, but instead reap the mental and physical benefits of forgiveness often.
9. They have a strong sense of purpose
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According to a Frontiers in Psychiatry study, people who have a stronger sense of life purpose and a "future-focused" mindset tend to be more resilient and resourceful in their lives. That's why people who have developed a sense of strong resilience from trauma and made it through tough times tend to be more passionate, focused, and driven.
They're not just forming healthy habits, cultivating meaningful relationships, and looking out for themselves for the sake of doing it — they have a strong guiding light and purpose for life.
10. They inspire others without trying
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Sometimes, all we need to motivate ourselves into action or to gain perspective through life struggles is to see someone we love who's come out better on the other side. That's exactly why inspiring others, oftentimes without trying, is one of the signs a person has been through some seriously tough times but didn't break.
Their strength, resilience, and compassion for others now is a guiding light and inspiration — even if they're not trying to preach or inspire.
11. They don't hold onto shame
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According to a study from Families in Society, people who grow from the shame of traumatic events, heal from it, and navigate through it with an aura of self-awareness are often more resilient in hard situations. They frame trauma through the lens of transformation, which is why they're often left feeling more resilient after navigating hard times, rather than shameful or isolated.
They've been through hard times, but they didn't break because they're willing to unravel cycles of shame, forgive themselves, and lean on the experience of adversity for boosted resilience.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a senior editorial strategist with a bachelor's degree in social relations & policy and gender studies who focuses on psychology, relationships, self-help, and human interest stories.
