8 Reasonable Things Good People Shouldn’t Have To Beg For In Relationships
nikkimeel | Canva Dating these days is a complete nightmare. I mean it. It’s an absolute horror show out here, and I know I’m not alone in fighting off the fits of confusion. The most baffling part of dating is trying to figure out whether someone is genuinely interested in you or just biding their time until something better comes along.
It’s an annoying process, and it seems like very few people are willing to invest in you 100 percent. As painful as the process might be, there are people out there who will outshine the rest and make a real commitment to you in your life. Please don’t waste time with someone who doesn’t show they care about you the slightest. Here's what every good person truly deserves in a relationship, and shouldn't have to plead for.
Here are the eight reasonable things good people shouldn’t have to beg for in relationships
1. The courtesy to reply to a message
You don’t need someone who is poor at communication and can’t even give you the courtesy of a text back. Even if people argue their lives are busy, no one is ever too busy to text or call the person they care for and are pursuing a relationship with. Stop accepting the excuses and move towards someone who won’t leave you hanging for days on end.
2. A concrete yes, not a maybe
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You’re not a “maybe,” and you’re not someone who should put up with nonsense excuses and half-baked efforts. You deserve a person who is going to say 'or sure' to spending time with you, making plans with you, and is committed to being in your life in a real way. Don’t accept less than what you want — life is short.
Dating coach Jane Garapick advised, "You are in control of your destiny where a committed relationship is concerned. If you and your partner are in different places regarding the level of commitment you want in your relationship, then you need to be honest with yourself and decide for yourself what actions you will take. It's your love life; you might as well make it what you want."
3. To feel excited about someone
Do you want to wake up and be genuinely excited about the special person in your life? Or are you OK with waking up to another no reply and another day of wondering where exactly you stand? The answer should be obvious. So stop wasting your days hoping someone will come around and appreciate you. Go out and find someone who is as excited as you are to be together.
4. To be in a secure relationship
Having a no fooling, I’m in this for real type of relationship attitude should be your only goal, and even if so many people these days seem to be terrified of commitment, there are plenty of those who aren’t. You’ll definitely meet the person who is going to return the feelings you feel for them eventually, but you’ll never get there if you allow yourself to get stuck in gray areas.
"Are you often attracted to emotionally unavailable people, or people who desperately need you?" asked relationship coach Celeste Seiferling. "This could say just as much about you as about them. Start identifying similarities in your relationships and then reflect on them. Journal about it. Talk about it. Identifying it is the first step to changing it."
5. To know that time together is valuable
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You’re a grown adult. There are plenty of other things you’re prioritizing your time with, such as your career, your adult responsibilities, and participating in the hobbies and interests that excite you. So stop spending time only halfway in someone’s life while they try to figure out if you’re worth more. Answer their hesitation by showing them they’re not worth your time if they can’t make up their mind.
6. To be a priority, not an option
You should never allow yourself to become someone’s late-night or last-minute option. As tempting as it might seem to grasp any time you can get with the person who’s only teetering on your fence post, you deserve to have someone who makes you a priority and makes time for you in a real and thoughtful way.
A study of time spent together in relationships explored the associations between how much time a couple spends together in different types of daily interactions. The results showed that "couples who spend a larger proportion of their time together talking reported greater satisfaction and experienced greater closeness."
7. Not to be just a convenience
The excuses people make these days as to why they’re hesitant about relationships are getting pretty ridiculous. Being afraid of commitment, or not looking to be tied down, is among the list of rubbish you so frequently hear.
Just because modern dating culture has bred an illusion of options and the mentality that something better is always within reach, doesn’t mean you deserve to be a stand-in or a time filler to someone who is looking for something or someone else. If they’re not showing you’re the one for them, stop showing them your consideration at all.
8. To avoid blurred lines
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You want to be on the same page with the person you’re dating. Although no dating situation is ideal, you must both share the same mutual level of interest. Even if you’re both just looking for a low-key, casual hookup situation, you still need to be on the same level.
Forming a real relationship is no different. If you want real love and genuine feelings with real and concrete intentions, don’t settle for someone who’s not on your level. Counselor Larry Michel explained, "Building and maintaining strong, healthy relationships by demonstrating respect, trust, and cooperation, and interacting with others in a positive and emotionally intelligent manner. Being a great listener is the primary tool here."
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with staying single and living life solo until the person who’s actually sure about you comes into your life. It hurts infinitely more to invest a chunk of time hoping and using your energies to prove to someone how amazing you are, and have nothing come out of it.
Take your time and be patient. The right person for you, who will be 100 percent sure about you and won’t hesitate to be all the way in your life, will be infinitely worth the wait.
Andrea Wesley is a freelance writer and poet living in Vancouver, Canada. She is a former contributor to The Bolde and Elite Daily.
