The Art Of Poise: 4 Simple Ways To Appear More Confident

Confidence and poise are two of those qualities that seem to come naturally to some people. They walk into a room and just own it. But most people don't realize that confidence is something you can learn. And often, the simple act of appearing more confident can actually help you feel more confident over time. 

Whether you're heading into a job interview, a first date, or just want to carry yourself with a little more presence in everyday life, these small shifts can make a big difference in how others perceive you and how you perceive yourself.

Here are 4 simple ways to appear more poised and confident:

1. Remember that you are so much bigger than your worst moments

You're not defined by the outcome of your actions, but by your behavior and your values. Context, research argues, is about reminding yourself that you aren’t the sum of your failures (or even your successes). When providing context, proactively remind yourself that:

• You’re not truly failing so long as you’ve learned something.
• You can incorporate what you learn into future actions, which will ultimately lead to better and more success.
• You aren't the sum of your achievements, but instead the sum of your behavior and values.
• You've failed before, and you were able to learn from it, let go, and move forward. You're still here and fine and will be tomorrow despite this failure.

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2. Take ownership

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Once you’ve provided context, it’s time to see what can be learned from your failure. It’s not enough to remind yourself that you can learn (you must proactively do it).

Get started by asking questions that get to the heart of why you failed, what could have been done differently, and how you can incorporate what you’re learning into future actions. Ask yourself the following questions:

• What could you have done differently or planned around?
• Do you need to correct a mistake or apologize for something? If so, how?
• What have you learned that will make you better prepared and stronger in the future?
• How will you incorporate what you've learned into future actions?

Research from Harvard Business School found that people who took time to actively reflect on their experiences performed significantly better on future tasks and reported feeling more confident in their abilities. You have to deliberately pause, ask yourself what went wrong and what you'd do differently, and then actually apply those insights moving forward.

RELATED: 5 Subtle Traits Of A Self-Assured Person, According To Psychology

3. Let go 

Once you’ve provided context and analyzed what can be learned, it’s time to let go and allow yourself a break from it all. The last thing you want to do is to obsess over and over-analyze what went wrong. Research has found this tends to lead to incorrect conclusions and can batter your self-confidence further (the opposite of what you’re aiming to do).

To help you with this, surround yourself with supportive people you trust who can help you to move on.  Do something you enjoy, and that's unrelated to whatever it was that you failed at. This will help you to break free and move on.

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4. Reflect on past failures that ultimately led to success

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Although this step might seem similar to Step 1, it's slightly different. Look to specific times when you've failed that led to later successes. Ask yourself what you learned from it and then how that helped you to succeed later on.

Researchers at Temple University asked participants to write about difficult times when they persisted, and encouraging individuals to reflect on failures resulted in a significant reduction in error rates on a cognitive task requiring perseverance. This process will further remind you of why you believe in failing-forward while helping you feel more confident in your next steps.

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Heather Moulder is an executive coach, attorney, and founder of Course Correction Coaching. She helps women who are successful on paper yet feel exhausted and unfulfilled by their high-stress lifestyle to overcome overwhelm and self-doubt and achieve success on their own terms without sacrificing or settling.