If A Person Is Willing To Do These 9 Things For You, Never Let Them Go
Taking the next step seems scary, but there are signs you've found your forever person.
Goksi | Shutterstock For people who are ready to take the next step in their relationship, there are lots of things to consider. Does this person respect and trust you? Can you see yourself overlooking their bad habits? Before you jump into the biggest decision of your life, it's important to take a step back and think about your partner and your relationship.
While some people may struggle to know if they're with the right partner, if a person is willing to do these 9 things for you, never let them go. Marriage is the adventure of a lifetime, but it takes hard work every single day. And if your partner makes these things a priority in your relationship, it's a good indicator of your relationship longevity.
If a person is willing to do these 9 things for you, never let them go
1. Work on your relationship once the honeymoon phase is over
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Research conducted by psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky found that married couples experience a phenomenon called the "two-year passion bump," where love evolves into a deeper sense of empathy and affection, but "lacks that more primal feeling of attraction and connection." While this research was about married couples, the same can be said of serious relationships.
But in a relationship with a person who is willing to keep working on the relationship every single day, it's an indicator to never let them go. Despite all the issues that can pop up after those initial phases of infatuation and comfort, when a couple is ready for marriage, they will make their relationship a priority, putting in the effort it takes to keep it healthy and happy.
2. Have honest conversations
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A person should never let their partner go if they're willing to have open, honest conversations. Whether the discussions are about fidelity, intimacy, or even the fights they have over and over again, communication is an essential component of any relationship.
As professor of communication Dawn O. Braithwaite, PhD explained, "How we communicate helps relationships get off on the right foot, navigate problems, and change over time. What is important to understand is that relationships are talked into (and out of) being. In communication, we develop, create, maintain, and alter our relationships. As we communicate, we become and change who we are."
3. Address your boundaries
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When people first enter into relationships, they may not act like their complete selves. They may accept or tolerate behavior from their partner that they normally wouldn't, and overlook potential red flags. But in a good relationship with a person who is willing to address and respect your boundaries, it's a sign of good things to come.
Before couples get married, it's a great idea to put each individual's boundaries on the table, lay out what they do or don't need, and address their issues or insecurities. A respectful person will have no problem adhering to their partner's boundaries, and understands that discussing them now is better than realizing down the line that this is not something they can live with.
4. Accept you without trying to change you
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If a person is willing to accept you fully, flaws and all, without attempting to change you, never let them go. It's easy to present a flawless version of yourself at the beginning of a relationship, not admitting to any shortcomings or weaknesses. But as time goes on and your true colors come through, will your partner accept and love you as you are, or try to turn you into someone different?
"Acceptance is not just a nice-to-have; it's essential... At its core, acceptance isn't about tolerating mistreatment or ignoring toxic behavior. Acceptance is embracing the full, imperfect humanity of your partner while maintaining healthy boundaries and shared values," relationship expert and psychotherapist Carolyn Sharp shared. Relationships where one or both partners try to change each other simply won't last.
5. Discuss the decision to have children
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Before you get married, talking about the decision to have or not to have children is a defining moment. Assistant professor of psychiatry and reproductive sciences, Georgia Witkin, PhD, explained that the best time to have a conversation with your partner about starting a family should happen as soon as possible, rather than waiting to have that talk down the line.
"It's too easy to assume that they will feel exactly as you do about having children or not having children... Unfortunately, many people wait too long to have these discussions," she said, adding that this leads people to question if they should have invested a large amount of time in their relationship to begin with. Because this is an issue that often leads to arguments, if you have a partner who is willing to be honest about how they feel towards raising a family, you have a keeper.
6. Split household responsibilities
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One study by associate professor Daniel Carlson found that couples who didn't split chores weren't as happy in their relationship, compared to couples who shared at least three chores.
"One of the biggest predictors of satisfaction is a feeling of fairness in relationships. It turns out that the more tasks couple share together, that they do jointly, the greater their feelings of equity, the more satisfied they are with their housework arrangements," Carlson also revealed.
So, whether it's doing the dishes or vacuuming the living room, if a person is willing to split those tasks, or at least have a discussion about who does what, never let them go.
Think about the kind of person you want to spend your life with. Will you be sharing duties inside the home, or will one partner be the one taking on the burden? Talking openly and honestly and not assuming you know the answer will be crucial to future marriage success.
7. Plan for the future
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Does your partner envision themselves walking hand in hand with you into the sunset when you reach old age? Or do all their plans for the future seem to be missing one thing: you? A partner who makes a five- or ten-year plan with you in mind is someone to never let go. It shows that they intend on remaining committed to the relationship, and wish to spend the rest of their life by your side.
As relationship expert Barton Goldsmith, PhD revealed, "Futurizing with your mate is a healthy activity that will make you both happier, because as you look at the future, you'll be creating things to look forward to, and that's where happiness comes from... We all have dreams and desires that we want to share with the people we love, but if you don't talk about them and create a way to make them happen, you will just live life in your head."
8. Apologize when they're wrong
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People sometimes believe that the issues they have before they get married will miraculously disappear once the license is signed and they are wed. But that couldn't be further from the truth. If a partner is headstrong in their beliefs, and never apologizes, this issue will continue into the marriage. But if a person is willing to admit when they are wrong, and sincerely apologize for their actions, never let them go.
Mistakes are bound to happen, but it's all about how we take responsibility for our actions. Couples who stay together will say "I'm sorry" when it's warranted. On the other hand, couples who will keep repeating their mistakes over and over again will just brush the problems under the rug and pretend they don't exist. When you have a partner who prioritizes communication, they will say sorry, and your relationship will be all the better for it.
9. Talk about your shared values
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What do you value most in life? This is an essential question to ask yourself before taking a leap into marriage. Will your partner support or even be part of your dreams and goals? Do you value the same things in life, whether it's family time, mutual respect, or compassion? Think hard about this, because giving up any major aspect of yourself in order to make someone happy is a bad idea and will hurt your relationship.
The best place to start is simply by asking your partner what they value in life. Pay attention to their actions, and stand strong in what you believe in. If their values don't align with yours, you can't expect anything to change down the road. But if you have a partner who does share your values, and makes it a point to be open and honest about it, there's a good chance you found your forever person.
Lisa Kaplin is a psychologist, certified professional life and executive coach, and a highly experienced corporate speaker. She helps people overcome stress and overwhelm to find joy in their personal lives, and success and meaning in their professional lives.
