5 Meaningful Conversations That Strong Marriages Are Built On, According To Experts
The kind of deep talks that can save a marriage.
ozgurcankaya | Canva Trusting your partner through the ups and downs in your journey of mutual well-being is vital to understanding how to grow in a long-lasting relationship. Trust is a cornerstone of healthy and fulfilling romantic relationships, and its importance extends to navigating the ups and downs of life together.
Research by The Gottman Institute explained that when couples trust each other, they are more likely to invest in the relationship, make sacrifices for each other, and experience gratitude.
Here are five meaningful conversations that strong marriages are built on, according to experts:
1. The conversation about each other's well-being
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The focus in a loving relationship is on your and your partner's well-being every day. Therefore, empathizing about difficult situations and celebrating successes will always include both spouse's point-of-view.
This is the opposite of asking, "Are we okay?" which indicates a lack of interest in hearing how your partner feels. When you say, "Honey, I know that X is challenging for you, and I'm here to help," it sends a message of committed support and love.
— Susan Allan, CEO of The Marriage Forum, Inc.
2. The conversation of 'always tell me more'
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The happily married couple is interested in each other. They want to know what their partner enjoys, why, who they like, and how they see the world.
Happily, married couples are other-focused and stay in tune with their partner's growth for a lifetime. The conversation typically has the phrase "Tell me more."
This phrase is used by a partner who is responsive and engaged, who makes their partner a priority over chores, friends, children, and other interests, and it delivers a message of respect, value, and interest, and contributes to their partner's happiness. Two people who attribute their well-being to their spouse are committed.
— Reta Walker, Ph.D. Relationship Coach
3. The conversation about tackling the hard stuff
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I have been married for a long time, so there have been many ups and downs. We talk about how lucky we are to have tackled the tough stuff, held on to the good stuff, and still love being together.
— Suzanne Geimer, President/Founder, The Special Angel Project
4. The conversation about being open to relationship evolution
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Happily, married couples tend to trust one another, be committed to building a life together, and show affection and appreciation for each other.
Many successful couples have regular conversations that reflect gratitude for the other while maintaining an openness to changing things that aren’t working. For example, asking what someone can do differently to meet the needs and desires of their mate will convey care, respect, and openness to evolve and grow together.
— Dr. Cortney Warren, Board Certified Clinical Psychologist
5. The conversation about each other's feelings
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Our partner might say, "I'm kind of down today," we quickly reply, "Oh, don't feel down. We've got a great weekend planned."
Without meaning to, we've dismissed our partner's feelings, and this makes them feel unsafe to share at this level in the future.
— Mary Morrissey, international speaker and best-selling author
Whatever conversations you encounter in a long-term relationship, the skills of being emotionally vulnerable, effectively communicating, actively listening, and empathizing never lessen in usefulness. Being open to the evolutionary nature of relationships while becoming each other's guide to sharing the responsibility of leading allows us freedom and support.
Long-lasting relationships are cyclic. We help, then we need help, yet there will always be balance when we show up equally in all our relationships.
Will Curtis is a creator, editor, and activist who has spent the last decade working remotely.
