10 Subtle Signs Someone Loves You From The Depths Of Their Soul, According To Psychology
These signs reveal a love that's truly soul-level.
Kindel Media | Canva Most relationship advice tells us that perfection is unattainable. One reason perfection is not feasible is that it has different meanings for everyone. Perfection doesn't allow room for personality, nuances, or what makes people and relationships beautiful. It doesn't allow room for real life.
What we can strive for, though, is finding the ultimate relationship for us. A quality relationship, as described by a 2010 study from the American Psychological Association (APA), where the powerful influence of our partner's help elevates our personal growth. A relationship where one person walks into your life and makes you realize why it never worked out with anyone else.
Here are ten subtle signs someone loves you from the depths of their soul, according to psychology:
1. There is no judgment
Happiness in a relationship comes from two teammates who can be open and honest with each other. That honesty comes from being comfortable opening up and knowing you will not be judged.
When you're sharing your life with someone, there is no room for discomfort, secrets, or lies. Especially secrets or lies that are forced by the inability to be genuine with your teammate.
The right person for you will support and encourage you to become the person you want to be, but they will also love you as the person you already are — no judgment allowed. "Higher levels of positive illusion between partners have been associated with a decreased risk for relationship dissolution, as well as higher satisfaction, and less conflict or doubt in relationships," explained research from the APA.
2. You have discussions, not fights
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It's natural to face conflicts when you spend a lot of time with any person, but a healthy relationship will resolve any issues by discussing their opinions and stances to understand each other better and reach a solution they both agree on.
Frequent nasty, vindictive fights are a sign to re-evaluate your relationship. Negative responses to conflict, such as being unforgiving, aggressive, and avoidant will lower relationship quality, as shown in a 2010 study of forgiveness and conflict resolution in close relationships.
3. There is mutual support
Whether or not you share each other's passions or life ambitions, when you truly care about someone, you want to see them succeed and be happy in whatever they love. This means standing beside them, not in their way, when they dedicate effort towards pursuing a goal.
4. You are frequently intimate
Let's face it, this is a big part of a relationship, and it'll be easy to tell if you're in a good place together or not. A 2016 study of the interrelationship of intimacy and relationship satisfaction found that earlier intimate satisfaction in a relationship predicted later relationship satisfaction, and being physically satisfied intimately is one factor that contributes to relationship satisfaction."
5. There is unwavering mutual respect
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This one needs no explanation: mutual respect between partners in a relationship is paramount to its success. Honesty, trust, friendship, and intimacy all grow from this foundation. Without respect, there is nothing else.
6. There is trust
I'm not sure why this one is so difficult to grasp, but if your partner wants to go out with their friends whom they haven't seen in a while, what's the harm? A solid relationship won't be shaken by this simple act, and you know they'll be back in your arms at the end of the night or the next day.
Nothing to see here, kids. Move along.
If your partner doesn't trust you and you've given them no reason to feel this way, they may be projecting their infidelities or insecurities onto you. In the "ultimate" relationship, both partners have earned each other's trust and would never do anything to betray it.
7. There is compromise
While you should be compatible with your teammate, that doesn't mean you will automatically love every single thing they love, and vice versa. If you truly care for someone and their happiness, you will be willing to watch, do, see, and experience things they enjoy, as they would do for you in return.
Without compromise, we can easily find our relationships resembling a seesaw with a huge boulder on one side — the distribution never shifts, as explained by a study of adult attachment and conflict communication in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships. There should be an equal amount of balance to keep you both happy and satisfied.
8. You understand you both have a past, but that's where it stays
When animosity or bitterness from or towards a previous relationship is brought into a new situation, it's like taking a shower and putting the same dirty clothes back on again. You're not starting fresh. Though a study from the APA showed, "former relationships may influence subsequent relationships due to the impact of former relationships on the self," spending a lot of time rehashing the past is not helpful.
Two mature teammates will accept the fact that they are (probably) not the first person their partner has ever been with, and understand those experiences have shaped them into the person they are today. In reality, these experiences should be seen as a good thing because they ultimately created the person you fell in love with.
9. You have similar goals or dreams for your future
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We can't expect our significant other to have an identical plan for their future as we do, but it is reasonable to desire similarities when building a life with someone. Like any team, as a relationship, the results are best when the members are working towards a common goal together. This goal could even be something as simple as self-improvement.
If one teammate is dedicating their life to personal growth, and the other is content with how things are and never displays a desire for change, then this can easily create resentment and tension over time.
10. You never lose sight of the little things
The small things you do for someone are what count the most. These are the actions that show you're willing to put in effort for your partner, just because. No special occasion or holiday is required. You don't need a schedule to show someone you love them.
A happy, healthy relationship will consist of two partners willing to put in equal effort consistently. Great relationships are not about give and take, they're about give and give. A daily experience study in Psychological Science demonstrated "the intrinsic benefits of sacrifice for people who are highly motivated to respond to a specific romantic partner's needs." The study found associations of making sacrifices in the relationship with positive emotions, feeling appreciated, and greater relationship satisfaction.
When these little things start to fade, the strength of the relationship will start to become more questionable. Do they appreciate you? Do they still care as much as they once did? Is our relationship becoming stronger over time, or weaker? Once you start asking yourself these questions, it is time to address them and find real answers.
Every person who reads this will have a different image of their “ultimate” relationship in their mind. It is possible to achieve, as long as both teammates are willing to put in the effort to uphold the integrity of their wants and desires.
Does it sound like work? That's because relationships can be, but that's what makes the great ones so rewarding.
James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach. He has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.
