If A Man Is Quietly Falling Out Of Love, He'll Change His Behavior In 11 Clear Ways
New Africa | Shutterstock Falling in love isn’t exactly easy to define. More often than not, being in love is something you feel deep in your bones. You know love when you’re in it and you know when you’ve left love behind, despite that loss being hard to admit. The act of loving someone takes more than just emotion — it requires mutual trust, clear communication, and commitment to building a future together, which can’t exist when one person has one foot out the door.
Even the most stable relationships ebb and flow, as external stressors can erode romance. Emotional distance doesn’t always signal the end of a relationship, but if a man is quietly falling out of love, he'll change his behavior in certain clear ways. Unfortunately, by the time his partner realizes, he may already be checked out of the relationship, but it's essential to pay very close attention when something seems off.
If a man is quietly falling out of love, he'll change his behavior in 11 clear ways
1. He avoids meaningful conversations
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A man who is quietly falling out of love will avoid having meaningful conversations with his partner. He'll talk about what he wants to do over the weekend or explain the tangled plot of his favorite movie trilogy, but anytime an emotionally significant topic comes up, he shuts down completely.
His avoidance of relational intimacy indicates just how closed off he's become. And, as psychologist Dr. Barbara Winter points out, “Communication is a reflection of what's inside.”
Struggling to be open and direct often reveals unspoken turmoil within a relationship. Dr. Winter notes that people tend to believe that any communication breakdown is the point of concern in their partnershi but, in reality, “effective communication is not in and of itself often the issue. The issue is whether they are heard, validated, felt, and acknowledged.”
“Connection happens in moments. Disconnection happens in moments of rupture. We may have many moments, many times but it is within a moment that we have a break and we can have a repair,” Dr. Winter concludes. So, when a man avoids having these deep, non-superficial conversations with his partner, it may indicate he's no longer invested in the relationship.
2. He's not interested in his partner's experiences
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If a man is quietly falling out of love, he'll change his behavior by no longer being interested in anything his partner is going through. Whether his partner had a hard day at work or is dealing with family problems, he's not curious about how she feels.
Sometimes, there’s an instigating moment that indicates a relationship is over, but other times, the end is less abrupt. When he feels a gradual decline in his connection to his partner and the relationship as a whole, he doesn’t foresee a future together. Every small step he takes carries him further away from the person he once thought he would spend forever with.
But he's a much different person than he was at the start of the relationship. And while there’s nothing inherently wrong with changing in a way that doesn’t align with your partner, but not being honest about your diminishing feelings is an avoidant behavior that causes more pain than is necessary.
3. He displays a loss of empathy
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When a man has one foot out the door, his capacity for caring and understanding how his partner feels becomes basically non-existent when he's quietly falling out of love. He'll appear indifferent to any pain his partner is in and won't celebrate their victories, either.
As clinical social worker Lyssa deHart explains, “Empathy is the key to relationships... and helps us become the most successful version of ourselves... It’s finding a way to recognize ‘me’ in ‘you.’”
“If you have ever wanted to improve a relationship, the willingness to step out of your own perspective and step into the experience of another person is fundamental,” deHart continues. “Your ability to care allows you access to the other person’s emotional landscape. The loss can cause no end of issues.”
Relearning empathy is possible, as long as a person executes “conscious awareness, intention, and practice” to build their relationship back up. Unfortunately, when a man is falling out of love and his behavioral changes are clear, it's not something he's willing or able to do.
4. He's critical and dismissive
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Being critical and dismissive are behaviors of a man who is falling out of love with his partner, because when someone truly cares about you, they show up. A partner who loves you will hold space for your imperfections and love the whole of who you are.
Unfortunately, a critical and dismissive man can diminish their partner simply for existing. According to marriage coaches Dr. Jerry Duberstein and Mary Ellen Goggin, “Criticism in marriage and relationships is an easy pattern to fall into... people get frustrated, tired, angry, and even bored with the ‘same old story’ they're writing in their marriages... Pet peeves and irritations turn into global accusations of ‘always’ and ‘never,’ setting up the accused to be defensive.”
Moving away from criticism requires a man to behave in a way that restores what’s been lost, which isn’t something he will do when he's no longer in love. Instead, he'll make his partner feel badly about themselves and won't acknowledge their emotions.
5. He prioritizes other people over his relationship
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During the early days of being together, when a man was in love, he made every effort to put his partner first. But now, he's turned his attention elsewhere. He's let his partner fade into the background while he makes time to see friends, work overtime, or spend as much time as possible with friends or family away from them. If a man is quietly falling out of love, he'll change his behavior in these clear ways.
It’s important not to lose sight of yourself in any relationship, but finding a balance of give and take is a big part of having a successful partnership. While he may not tell his significant other outright how he feels, it's clear that he's making sure there's no space for them.
6. He spends more time alone
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When a man is quietly falling out of love, he will put himself first, choosing to be alone more often than not. When he does spend time as a couple, he puts up a protective front and disengages from their attempts to get closer. He finds any excuse to be alone, which rubs salt in the wound.
Every stable, nurturing relationship relies on a combination of togetherness and solitude in order to last in the long run. It’s impossible and unhealthy to spend every waking moment with your partner, and it’s equally damaging to put up walls and not let your person in.
And while the concept of self-intimacy, described as “making time to reflect on who you are, where you’ve been, and where you’re going,” has its own set of benefits, allowing people to show up authentically in all aspects of life, prioritizing alone time over a relationship is a tipping point.
7. He stops expressing gratitude
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Failing to express gratitude means he no longer says “thank you” for the little things, nor does he share any of the tiny intimacies that made his partner feel loved appreciated. His lack of gratitude shows that he's tapped out of the relationship, and now, he's closing himself off from his partner altogether.
Relationship expert Dr. Terri Orbuch reveals that “a very vital factor in happy relationships is gratitude — making your partner feel valued, loved, and supported with simple acts and behaviors.” In a study she conducted, “61% of the happy couples... said that their spouses ‘often’ made them feel good about the kind of person they are, compared to only 27% of the other couples.”
Orbuch added that showing gratitude in a relationship helps your partner feel reassured and fulfills their need for intimacy. Unfortunately, when a man is quietly falling out of love, he puts up a barrier that blocks out intimate connection. He refuses to acknowledge any acts of care and affection, focusing instead on planning his exit strategy.
8. He avoids any future planning
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By avoiding planning for the future, it indicates that a man's behavior has changed due to quietly falling out of love. He's shut down any discussion about what a shared life might look like, though he won't reveal that he's not the planning type. He'll say he doesn’t want to put pressure on the partnership, but these are just excuses he's making to take himself out of the running for the years to come.
He gives vague answers when his partner wants to plan a trip together. He doesn’t share his long-term goals and keeps his hopes and dreams strictly to himself. He also tends to shut down when his partner asks where they see the relationship going. And it's all because he doesn’t have the courage or inner strength to be honest about how he really feels.
9. He gets annoyed by small things
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While at the beginning of the relationship, he may have found his partner's little quirks cute or even something he smiled and then ignored, now, because he's falling out of love, those little things are annoying. His frustration tolerance has dropped, which means that every mistake his partner makes is met with rolled eyes, an exaggerated sigh, or even an argument.
As psychotherapist Gigi Engle explains, "You can’t expect to have a lasting relationship with someone who even inspires the ability to turn off your emotions. True love means that nothing your partner does, no weird habit, nor gross inability to put the toilet seat down could ever change that. You should love your partner because of his flaws, not despite them."
Unfortunately, men who get annoyed by small things because their feelings have changed tend to take it out on their partner. He's consistently annoyed, holds tightly to anything his partner did wrong in the past, and weaponizes imperfections against them.
10. He becomes resentful
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Whether it's making passive-aggressive comments, emotionally withdrawing, showing contempt, or refusing to take accountability for his actions, if a man is quietly falling out of love, he'll change his behavior in clear ways like this. Because all of these actions are indicative of resentment.
Unfortunately, as licensed marriage and family therapist John Kim points out, "The longer resentment goes unaddressed, the more it chips away at the trust and intimacy in your relationship. It creates a divide — an emotional wall that keeps you from fully connecting with your partner.
11. He sidesteps conflict
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Sidestepping conflict can manifest as not engaging in arguments, avoiding airing grievances, or simply walking away when tension is brewing. It's not because he wants to keep calm or create a peaceful environment; rather, he doesn't actually care about resolving any of the issues in the relationship.
Things that were once worth fighting for no longer seem worth it to him. He's become resigned to sharing a chronically tense existence with a partner he no longer cares about.
Alexandra Blogier, MFA, is a writer who covers psychology, social issues, relationships, self-help topics, and human interest stories.
