Men Who Disappear When Things Get Hard Usually Show These 11 Red Flags Early On
PeopleImages / Shutterstock When you are looking for a partner to settle down with, you need to know that they will be there for you when things get hard. Life is far from easy. You have to navigate the ups and downs with the person you are dating. Some men are not cut out for that type of love.
Some men are not capable of being there for their partner in a time of need. Sometimes, his partner may be going through something serious in her life. This could be the loss of a family member or being let go from their job. A good partner would step up and support her, but a man with red flags does the opposite. If you are constantly arguing in their relationship, they might prefer to flee rather than to stick around and work through things. These are all signs that the man you are with is likely to disappear, and you shouldn’t ignore these red flags.
Men who disappear when things get hard usually show these 11 red flags early on
1. They are emotionally unavailable
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A red flag to look for immediately is whether someone is emotionally available. If a man is with you but he isn’t able to commit himself fully, it’s a sign he will disappear when things get hard. He’s likely not invested in sticking through a difficult moment. Someone emotionally unavailable will leave you hanging on a good day. Even when you are getting along, he may leave your text on read or blow off plans. When things get tough, he’s likely to run away.
Emotionally unavailable men may be able to charm you in the moment, but they are not in it for the long haul. It could be a deep fear they’re holding, or a general disinterest in someone. Whatever the reason, it’s easier for them to disappear than stick through tough times.
2. They are inconsistent
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Some guys are hot, and then they are cold. One moment, they’re into you and are a supportive partner. Next, they walk away without thinking twice. Inconsistency in a relationship can be detrimental. If you need reassurance, having someone come and go in your life can be painful. It can make you feel like you are not enough.
An inconsistent man will not stick around through the bad. He knows that it would take effort to maintain a healthy relationship. If he is indecisive about how he feels in the moment, it's easy for him to walk away when things get tough. It may leave you with abandonment issues.
3. They lack communication skills
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It can feel like pulling teeth to get some men to communicate. When going through a difficult time in a relationship, communication is key. Both partners need to understand where the other person is coming from. It’s difficult to work through something when another person fails to communicate clearly. Being unable to address situations is a red flag.
Instead of talking through something, they may disappear when things get hard. They may not care enough to put in the effort.
4. They say one thing but do another
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It takes effort to make someone happy in a relationship. Some men may say one thing to please their partner, but act completely differently. Words are only important if actions back them up. It can be a sign they are manipulative. They talk a big game to keep a woman around, but when it comes to showing their commitment, it’s not an option.
Saying ‘no’ can be hard. Instead of saying their truth, they’ll lie. They want to keep the person coming back for more. However, when times get tough, it’s not hard for them to walk away. They can claim they will be, but fail to show it with action.
5. They are short-tempered
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Everyone can struggle with anger. However, men may experience it more than women. If the man in your life is quick to snap, it’s a red flag. Someone with a short temper might walk away when things get bad. It can be difficult for them to regulate their emotions. They may find it easy to take their anger out on their partner.
"For men, anger may often stem from another emotion. One of these emotions could be fear. For example, a man might fear losing their partner when they notice they're coming home late from work. When their partner arrives home, they might get angry, and unsure how to express their fear. For many men, part of reducing anger is understanding how to express and accept other emotions. It is not 'feminine,' 'weak,' or 'shameful' to be sad, cry, feel fear, or worry about those you love," says Majesty Purvis, LCMHC.
6. They are not vulnerable
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Vulnerability is everything in a relationship. Each partner needs to be able to open up to the other. Through communicating your feelings and revealing what’s going on inside, you can form a closer bond. Vulnerability can be an easier way to work through difficult times. If you can tell the person you care about what you are going through and be met with empathy, it’s powerful.
However, many men struggle with vulnerability. By being open, they may fear being seen as weak. If a man refuses to tap into his vulnerable side, it can be a red flag. He may be quick to turn away when things get tough.
7. They are overly independent
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Independence is usually a good thing. It can be especially helpful in a relationship. If two people can make time for each other and are not afraid to bask in alone time, it can make for a positive dynamic. However, some people may be too independent in a relationship. It could be because they are afraid of getting hurt.
Too much independence can be a red flag that they are not ready for a committed relationship. Instead, they may prioritize themselves because that is all they know. When things get rocky, they’re not afraid to leave. They’re used to, and enjoy, their free time.
8. They are secretive
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Have you ever dated a man who just seemed off? There wasn’t anything that stood out. It was that his behavior was off. It’s strange to experience this feeling from someone you care deeply about. He might be behaving secretively. It’s hard to trust someone whom you can’t get a true read on.
Someone who isn’t afraid to keep secrets from you is a red flag. If you can’t trust him to stick around through hard times, it’s a sign to get out before things get worse. Early on, you may be able to read this behavior. It’s a red flag.
9. They fear intimacy
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Emotional intimacy is important in a relationship. You have to feel comfortable being your true self with the person you’re dating. This type of intimacy allows you to be unapologetically you. Through the good and the bad, it’s expected your partner will be there for you. However, when a man is afraid of showing his soul to a woman, it’s a red flag.
To have a special relationship, you need to be able to meet each other in emotionally intimate moments. When things get hard, tapping into that skill helps you come out of the situation closer. When a man refuses to do this, it’s a red flag.
10. They refuse to put a label on it
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We’ve all had that difficult conversation. What are we? Is this a real relationship, or is it casual? Are we just friends? These are questions that can place a serious strain on a relationship. If a man refuses to place a label on the relationship, it’s a red flag. He may not be interested in you enough to call you his partner.
If someone isn’t ready to solidify your relationship, they won’t stick around through the bad stuff. Instead, they are likely to bounce to the next relationship.
11. They are withdrawn
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If a man withdraws early in a relationship, it’s a red flag. Someone who is not willing to get close to you will likely turn his back on you when things get bad. You can’t rely on someone who will not let you into their life. A true relationship is built on mutual connection, and if a guy is withdrawn, he is not truly invested in you.
"Emotional detachment refers to a person’s tendency to remain emotionally checked out in their relationship by not expressing their emotions or even concealing their emotions to avoid forming true emotional connections," says Mark Travers, Ph.D.
Haley Van Horn is a freelance writer with a master’s degree in Humanities, living in Los Angeles. Her focus includes entertainment and lifestyle stories.
