6 Things That Start Happening When You’re Not Meant To Be Together — Even If You’re Deeply In Love
Kyle Bearden | Unsplash When you love someone deeply, you have a connection on an intellectual, spiritual, or emotional level. The feeling is difficult for many to describe. But they have your entire heart. This person is your other half, and they’re the one who just gets you. They feel like home.
You cannot imagine life without them, but you slowly start to realize you're just not meant to be together. You’ve tried everything, but the relationship has become toxic. Research has suggested that saying goodbye can be almost unbearable as staying in a relationship that's not right. You feel a part of you dies when they leave your life. This is how life continues after you and your soulmate realize you’re not meant to be in a relationship in this life.
Here are 6 things that start happening when you’re not meant to be together — even if you’re deeply in love:
1. You know that you'll find love again, but it may never feel the same
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Yes, you will fall in love again, and you may even get married and move on to have a happy, fulfilling life. But, even then, something will always feel like it’s missing. You can’t really explain it, but you sometimes feel a void that isn’t being filled, regardless of the amount of happiness in your life or a new relationship.
It’s a part of you that’s out of reach. Like, no matter how much time has passed since it ended between you and your soulmate, it never goes away. A study helped show love never truly feels the same way it did before because every person is different, and love feels specific to that partner. Whether you ever admit that or not, you feel it deep down in your heart.
2. No matter how many years go by, you still think about the memories
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The memories will always be difficult to let go of. Especially if you go through a rough time in your life, a study explained how you’ll tend to replay those memories in your head a lot. It doesn’t matter how many years go by. Your mind will always wander back to that place.
Back to the time you were together, back to the life you once lived that no longer exists. You’ll get random flashbacks. Sometimes they’ll come out of absolutely nowhere. But whether it be good memories or bad, you’ll always carry them with you. It’s all you have left of them.
3. You become an entirely different person
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A part of you breaks when you and your soulmate part ways. You sincerely never feel the same. You change a lot about yourself, especially the way you handle matters of the heart when it comes to dating or love. It’s like the pain of the loss corrupted you to your inner core and altered life as you once knew it.
A great example of this is in Sam Smith’s song Palace, when he says, “They will love the better you, but I still own the ghost of you.” You just take on this entirely different person, a mere ghost of yourself, living this completely different life. Most people find this version of you better because you’ve learned and grown so much since then, and you see things more clearly now. Although getting to this point caused you so much pain, you may even miss some parts of your old self from time to time.
Life coach Kelly Ann Garnett explains, "I don’t believe any relationship is ever a waste of time because they can always teach you and help you grow forward as a person, and as a partner. Even if the only thing that your ex taught you is what you don’t want in a relationship, that in itself is a huge blessing."
4. You might question all the bad that happened
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The thing is, if you’re not with your soulmate despite doing every darn thing to try and make it work, chances are it’s because things became toxic or unhealthy. The intensity of being with a soulmate can often lead to a lot of fights and arguments, which can, of course, become ugly and lead to destruction.
The more distance you get from all of this, and as more time passes, you tend to see all that “bad” in a different light. You start asking yourself if some of that “bad” was actually all your fault. Or if you maybe would have handled things in a better way. You may question how bad things really were, or if maybe you just overreacted at the time.
"Rumination keeps a person mentally trapped in the past by replaying events and conversations in their mind," explained divorce coach María Tomás-Keegan. "In heartbreak, this repetitive thought pattern is driven by the brain's attempt to make sense of the loss and to re-establish the connection, even if it's over."
5. They still appear in your dreams
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Years and years could go by, but your soulmate will still make appearances in your dreams. It’s the way your subconscious mind and your soul cope with walking through this life with your soulmate no longer by your side. In everyday life, you may be totally OK with this fact, but subconsciously, the pain still lingers.
Relationship coach Janet Ong Zimmerman recommended, "Taking time for yourself helps your heart heal and open up to the possibility of new love. When you're ready and the time is right, you'll have a deep, meaningful relationship with someone who is better suited for you. Everything is happening in your best interest. Do whatever it takes to create a clean slate for love to come your way."
6. You will settle into your new life, but your soul will always carry this person with you
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You will move on, you will enjoy life, you will go on adventures, and live. But research from the American Psychological Association has explored how a special person will always be a part of you in some way. Their presence and the memories, you will carry all that with you, in your heart and in your soul.
In another life, when it is all meant to be, you and your soulmate could reunite, and it’ll be magical. But until then, enjoy life to the fullest. Love with your entire heart. See the world. Strive for success. And become the best possible version of yourself.
Nikki Zarrella is a small business owner and writer from Boston with a passion for sports, fitness, and adventure. Her work has been published in Thought Catalog, Elite Daily, Puckermob, and Boston Voyager.
