The 7 REAL Reasons He Doesn't Want To Have Sex With You

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Common Causes of Low Sexual Desire

Common causes of low sexual desire in men.

I have helped many people who have had less libido than they or their partner wanted.

There are a variety of factors that can cause someone to have less sexual interest. Some reasons why he doesn't want to have sex with you include:

1. Hormonal influences

2. Medication Side Effects

3. Childhood or adult trauma especially sexual trauma

4. Situational stress (i.e. losing a job, death in the family, etc.)

5. Relationship issues

6. Family of origin issues 

7. Gaps in sexual knowledge

8. Fear of pregnancy

There is help for all 8 of the above possible factors. Sometimes, there are multiple factors at work.

For example, having relationship issues is a broad category that can include (but is not limited to):

  • The lack of emotional connection between partners. (Usually, but not always, the female is more affected by this.)
  • Inadequate conditions in the sexual environment conducive to sexual desire such as insufficient romance, insufficient down time as a couple, and lack of understanding of each other’s different sexual needs.
  • Any unresolved conflict that leads to distance or hostility between partners.

A family of origin issues that lead to intimacy problems usually has to do with coming from a family of extremes. Either the family of origin was emotionally disengaged and detached or the family of origin was emotionally enmeshed or overly engaged.

In the first situation, the person coming from a family like that has a difficult time opening up to others and pulls back because they are uncomfortable and untrained on how to tolerate the (sometimes) emotional mess that couples inevitable experience.

This kind of person can wall off as a way to cope with these intense emotions and ultimately cut off their sexual desire.

In the second situation, the person comes from a family where it was so enmeshed. He or she could not even experience his or her own individuality. I find this to be more of a problem with men. My theory is that these men have had an overly needy or dominating mother who could not allow him to fully develop his "differentiated self". 

This person then gets committed to a female and the idea of sexually merging is akin to getting "swallowed up" again by a needy or aggressive female. This does not mean that the wife or girlfriend is needy or aggressive; it could be a projection from the man.

His low sexual desire serves the purpose of protecting him (unconsciously) from being taken over. It is his way of "feeling his own skin."

This article was originally published at Todd Creager's website. Reprinted with permission from the author.