7 SURPRISING Reasons You Have Sexual Anxiety (And How To Stop It)

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sexual shame

Beat sexual anxiety and start having more enjoyable, satisfying sex.

You wouldn’t be human if you didn’t feel just a tinge of nervousness when you crawl into the sack, especially when it’s someone new. Every woman (and man, for that matter) experiences sexual anxieties to some degree. It’s completely normal and shouldn’t stop you from having the healthy sex life you want.

Easier said than done, of course. If you’ve been experiencing sexual anxiety, there could be a number of reasons it’s happening and an equal number of solutions to the problem. Below, we will explore some of the most common causes of sexual anxiety in women. I will also discuss strategies to overcome each of these problems so you don’t have to be haunted by them for the rest of your life.

You deserve to feel good during sex. Every woman does. Understanding where these issues come from and what you can do about them is the best way to empower yourself and move beyond any limitations. Ready? Let’s do this.

1. You suffer from poor body image.


Poor body image is one of the most debilitating anxieties most women face in the bedroom. In our culture obsessed with thinness, an average or larger body can seem like a fatal flaw. Even thin women find flaws in their thighs, hips, breasts, stomachs and other parts of the body that are meant to be curvy. When it’s not her body, it’s her face or body hair. There’s always something if you’re looking to be critical.

If you have a hard time undressing in front of lovers (or even a boyfriend or spouse), you might want to spend some time working on your body image with a therapist. You might also buy lingerie that flatters your curves or, if you’re really ready to take this step, you might change your diet or start exercising. But don’t let anyone pressure you; do it for your own sake.

2. You lack sexual experience.

This is another source of terrible anxiety for many women. But lack of experience can feel like a serious problem when, actually, most guys won’t mind. Many are happy to teach you what they like, and most are decent and gentle and will take it slow for your sake. If they don’t, or if they are unkind to you not knowing what to do, that person is not for you.

3. You expect way too much from a man.


Sometimes, women face sexual anxiety because the guy they’re with expects certain things of them. You don’t have to do anything you aren’t comfortable doing. This includes everything from kissing to oral sex and intercourse.

No matter what a man is suggesting, the biggest factor in determining whether or not you should do it is whether or not you want to do it. If the answer is no, then let your anxiety be your guide and walk away.

4. You are still traumatized from a past bad experience.

Bad memories of other situations in which your needs and desires weren’t respected can seriously hamper your ability to approach sex in a calm, happy fashion later on. Especially if you were in a rape or date-rape situation, you might feel like you’ll never move past what was done to you.

The good news is, if you find a nice guy who understands what you went through and you take the proper measures in getting trauma counseling, you will likely be able to trust people and enjoy sex again one day. But never rush yourself.

5. You have trouble letting go to have fun.


As a woman, you’re often taught that you should have sex but not enjoy it. This can prevent you from truly abandoning yourself to the experience orgasm. This is a problem, though. You should enjoy sex. Work on this by telling yourself you deserve the experience and that it doesn’t make you bad or slutty to enjoy sex.

One of the best ways to move past this particular sexual anxiety is to share these feelings with your man. Most of them are only too happy to help you enjoy sex and get off, and more often than not, it increases their enjoyment as well.

It may take months or even years of you admitting that you like sex and want to enjoy it before you feel fully liberated and able to express these feelings to your partner and yourself freely. But keep working toward this place with his help and you’ll get there eventually.

6. You have a medical condition.

Unfortunately, medical conditions can also cause severe anxiety about sex. If you have conditions such as eczema or a birth defect that makes you feel ugly or insecure, you’ll likely have a hard time enjoying sex until you move past that. The best treatment is counseling, an honest conversation with your sexual partner, and seeing beyond your own disability.

Other medical conditions, such as vaginismus, are directly sex-related. This is a painful contraction of the vagina during sex and can make intercourse unpleasant or just plain impossible. While doctors aren’t sure what causes it, it is most likely a result of sexual anxiety, so counseling is a good option.

7. You simply aren't ready to have sex.


If you are young or being pressured to have sex with someone before you know them well enough, this can cause serious sexual anxiety. Keep in mind that it can happen whether or not you’re a virgin, and that sexual experience doesn’t necessarily mean you’re ready to have a certain type of relationship with a man (or a woman, for that matter).

Take your time getting to a place of readiness in a relationship and don’t let anyone pressure you. If they do before you’ve even hit the sack, imagine what they might do once you’re there. Don’t let that happen; you’re worth more than that.

Sexual anxiety can be annoying and interrupt the good time you’re trying to have, but remember that everyone experiences it to some degree, even guys who have to deal with issues such as erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation.

Instead of getting mired in despair, just use the above strategies to the best of your ability. This is hands-down the most effective way to move on with your life and start enjoying one of the best things about living.


If you enjoyed learning how to reduce your sexual anxiety but would like to learn how to give your man incredible oral sex, then you should use some of the techniques that I explain in this detailed tutorial video.