Why There Should Be No Silence In The Bedroom


The case for ditching the silent treatment

Great intimate relationships are all about communication. When it comes to realizing how someone feels about you, actions often speak louder than words. Sometimes ignoring your partner for a bit—after you’ve spoke loud and clear (with words) to no avail—can teach him or her lesson. But too much of the silent treatment is destructive—just as destructive as using sex to get out of discussing your problems!

The silent treatment in relationships is easy to recognize (i.e. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing!”), but it is often quite difficult to understand. People have diverse excuses for the use of such "stonewalling," but this frustrating behavior is utilized by those who seek control and protection.

After a relational conflict, someone who chooses to use the silent treatment ignores his partner for a desired time period. This distancing mechanism often called "the cold shoulder" allows the partner using it to feign apathy. It also lets him or her gain the upper hand. Some people think these mind games can make sex better and more enjoyable. Maybe they can for the short term, but the silent treatment is not the magic tool to spice up your sex life for the long run!

People justify the use of the silent treatment with excuses like their need or their partner's need for time to think and have space from the relationship. Others use the silent treatment when they don't want to deal with relational conflict or are overwhelmed, anxious and/or depressed. A kiss can be worth a thousand words. It can say the things you don’t want to say and communicate deep emotion, but using sex as a substitute for expressing how you real feel is not wise.

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This article was originally published at . Reprinted with permission from the author.