8 (Hilarious!) Ways Being On A Diet Is JUST Like Having BAD Sex

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Pizza girl

You know it’s inevitable.

Diets — they suck. Bad sex sucks too.

Whether it’s sucking down your freshly pressed juice or — well, something else — diets can be JUST as sucky as having terrible, no-good sex. Here’s why:

1. ALL you can think about is PIZZA. 


You KNOW it's true. I mean … it’s pizza. I might even think about pizza during GOOD sex. And while I’m actually eating pizza too. But in all seriousness, when you're on a diet, what's the ONE thing you CAN'T have, but ALWAYS crave? PIZZA.

2. You’re freaking MISERABLE. 


It's honestly impossible to think about anything other than 'How many hours until the next meal?' 'What did I eat for lunch?' 'Why am I so hungry?'

3. You really, REALLY want some ice cream. 


Obviously during bad sex, you just want it to be over so you can go stuff your face with some cold, fatty ice cream. Same with a diet. Is this over yet?!

4. You just kind of want to run the hell away.


Like I said ... is this over yet? I just want to go get some pizza and ice cream now, k? Thanks.

5. You wonder why you’re even doing this, anyway. 


That text seemed like a good idea to respond to, but now I’m thinking this wasn’t worth it. Can’t I just sit on my couch and watch a movie with snacks? That sounds much more appealing than any of this.

6. Your body starts doing weird things


The toilet is now your friend. Really, I didn’t know my body was capable of this. Farting. Awkwardness. Oops! Sorrrryyyy.

7. You’re suddenly REALLY tired. 


Really, the only way to escape this is to roll over and take a nap. Anything to make time go by faster until I can eat again.

8. You REALLY can't stop thinking about pizza. 


Did I say pizza already?

This article was originally published at Never Liked It Anyway. Reprinted with permission from the author.