7 Things EVERYONE Gets Wrong About What It Means To Be In Love

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7 Things Everyone Gets Wrong About What It Means To Be In Love


Love is such a primal emotion, one we cannot live without. Which is why a lot of people tend to misinterpret signs and misunderstand what it means to be in love.

The definition of love, a simple word, is generally used to indicate strong affections and affinity towards a specific person one is in a relationship with.

But to be in love, it is the experience of the connection with someone.You "fit" with that person. This is a state when such a connection is very strong and tends to overwhelm other states of awareness. It provides a kind of veneer through which a person feels that they are blanketed by a euphoria of connection.

This "fit" is about how a person apparently matches all or many of the expectations one has as criteria for such a partner or relationship. Being in love is when a song reminds you of that specific someone. Everything you see is all about that someone.

Sounds familiar?

One major problem is that being in love makes anyone do things or act in a way that is unusual to their character. Can this be good? Not always. 

So here are 7 love myths that everyone gets wrong about what it means to be in love:

Myth 1: Love just happens.

People think love is something that happens to them as an external event which has nothing to do with them. This is rubbish and simply a state of being not in control. This is what infatuation feels like, not love.

Myth 2: Your "perfect" person is out there.

People think that there is someone who is perfect out there for them somewhere. There is — according to mathematical probability — perhaps 10 out of all the people in the world fit your criteria and you fit theirs perfectly.

With such slim chances, do you even have the resources or energy to mount a search for that perfect someone?

Myth 3: Falling out of love is the end of love.

What I mean is the end between you and that person, that is. Falling in love is a state of connectedness, triggered by being present to the state of love. As long as there is love present, it is possible to enter into the state of being in love at will.

Just because the honeymoon stage is over for you and your partner, it doesn't mean that there is no love. Love will evolve and the meaning of being in love would shift for you.

Myth 4: Being part of a couple is straightforward, as long as we have love.

We all think that we know what to do when we find the right one. That is not the case. Being a partner is a skill set. It takes certain conditions and skills to be able to be a good partner.

Some people are not cut out to enter relationships. Some are not cut out to maintain relationships. And some cannot exit relationships (even when they are wrong for them).

Part of the skills you need would be active listening and communication. It goes beyond talking. It is about understanding your partner.

Myth 5: A good person equals a good partner.

A lot of people think that by being a great person, they will become a great partner. Not true. Being an individual is quite separate and distinct from being a partner.

As seen in myth # 4, being a good partner is a skill set — one needs to learn how to be the right partner for that relationship.

Myth 6: A new relationship is a fresh start.

A common mistake made by people is that they think they can begin anew by starting a new relationship. Not always true. If there is a significant amount of emotional baggage or damage from a previous relationship, there is a need to make sure that there is some kind of healing process that occurs.

Very often, this spills over into the new relationship, causing previous issues to re-emerge as a psychological or behavioral pattern.

Myth 7: Being in love is the basis of a successful relationship.

People think that being in love would mean that the relationship works out. Not true. Relationships are more dependent on (personal, partner and relationship) management skills than the state of love.

Bonus: Can one learn to be in love with someone?

When you choose to be with someone, you essentially pick them for their ability to fit into your preferences while you fit into theirs. Which means you aren’t really looking at them for who they are. You are looking at them for how they fit into your list or your projections.

The process actually begins when you choose to be with someone. You are learning that they do not fit nicely into your psychological projections. Instead, you see them as a unique being whom you have fallen in love with and choose to spend a significant period of your time to discover who they really are.

So yes, you can always learn to be in love with someone.

Kelvin Lim is a coaching specialist and the co-author of 3 published books. He continues his research and development efforts by his program design work as well as seeking highly accomplished masters in varied disciplines to advance his knowledge of transforming human and organizational consciousness and performance.