What To Do When Your Sex Life Isn’t As Hot As What You See On TV

outlander sex fantasies

... and your partner just can't measure up.

OMG! After twenty years of separation, Outlander’s passionate duo, Claire and Jamie, finally reunited for an intense night of romance and incredibly hot sex.

If you watched this episode, something ... strange ... might have happened when you later spent time with your partner who doesn't have Jamie’s rock hard abs or Claire’s flawless skin. After all, who among us can measure up to the perfection we see on the screen? 

But Instead of mourning your mundane sex life, use what you see on television and in the movies to take your bedroom activities to the next level.

Why fantasize?

When you incorporate fantasies into your love life, magic can happen. 

Many men use fantasy to rev up their sexual engines. Hugh Hefner’s photo-filled Playboy magazines made millions because, contrary to the old joke, men really don't buy it “just for the articles.”

Women can benefit from fantasy too. According to researchers at the University of Granada, "The more sexual fantasies [women] have, the more sexual desire they experience.” Sexual desire plays a key role in a woman's ability to achieve a satisfying orgasm and can help her feel less anxious during intercourse.

RELATED: 6 Sex Positions So Intimate It'll Feel Like Your First Time, Every Time

Esther Perel, author of Mating in Captivity, highlights the emotional power of fantasy. “If we feel insecure and unattractive, in our fantasies we are irresistible.” She also values fantasy as a way to maintain a monogamous relationship as it enables both you and your partner to experience new partners without cheating. 

How to do it:

Marriage and Family therapist Melissa Brail, LMFT, often encourages her clients to infuse media-based fantasies into their sex lives. Here is what she suggests:

  • Identify what you find romantic. When you watch your program, use all of your senses to see what you might like to add to your bedroom play. What words did the characters exchange that you would love to say or hear? Did they use a sexual position you are tempted to try? Also, consider the ambiance. Was the sensuality of the scene enhanced by candles, music or even an imagined scent, such as pine or lavender? Many of these can easily be added to your next intimate encounter.
  • Roleplay. One of you can be Jamie and the other Claire — or be characters from a different show. 
  • Fantasize on your own. Make love to a hot celebrity while you are with your partner. You can also fantasize about a younger, sexier version of the partner you are with. This is especially fun if you have been together for many years. 
  • Discuss your fantasy ideas with your loved one without criticizing what you currently have. Share that your goal is to enrich your sex life and enhance your connection. 

Another option is to play a fantasy game. Here is one from Let’s Get Naked —  The Sexy Activity Book for Couples. It's a bit like Wheel of Fortune.

  • Think of the name of a fantasy, but don't say it aloud.
  • Tell your lover how many letters are in the name.
  • Invite your partner to guess the name, one letter at a time. For each wrong letter, they must remove an article of clothing.
  • When done, switch roles. Your partner chooses the fantasy and you guess what it is. Fun!

Finally, if you have the time, watch the reunion episode of Outlander together and act it out with the main characters. It will be the hottest trip to Scotland you've ever had!

RELATED: Why Watching 'Outlander' Is SURE To Wake Up Your Sleeping Sex Drive

Janis Roszler is a therapist who specializes in diabetes-related sexual and relationship issues. Her blog articles and books can help transform your intimate life. Have diabetes? Learn how you can reconnect sexually with the one you love. Read Janis’ books, including Sex and Diabetes: For Him and For Her and follow her on Twitter.

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