Brutally Honest Dating Advice (#4 Will Probably Trigger You!)

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4 Important Truths About Dating. (#4 Will Probably Trigger You!)

It makes sense for most dating coaches to tell you white lies — but I'm telling you the truth.

The truth is that if a man is obese, he’s going to struggle to get attention online. 

The truth is that if a man has no social skills, he’s rarely going to get a second date.

The truth is that if a man is chronically unemployed, he’s going to have a hard time finding a wife.

We could obscure that truth to make short, awkward, poor guys feel better, but that wouldn't be helpful to them, would it?

The only way to help those men is to tell them the truth — stop blaming "picky" and "high-maintenance" women for what they’re attracted to and take responsibility for your own love life.

So why don’t many relationship gurus tell you the truth? Simple.

  • Because the truth hurts and they want you to like them.
  • Because it’s easier to avoid the truth than it is to face it.
  • Because it’s more lucrative to avoid the truth than it is to face it.

Why don’t you tell your friend her outfit is unflattering? You want her to like you.

Why don’t you tell your date that he was a jerk? It’s much easier not to create more conflict.

Why don’t you tell your boss how to do her job? It’s more lucrative not to!

In short, it makes sense to tell all sorts of white lies. It’s how we get along in the world. So, without further ado, here are 4 important truths and brutally honest dating advice you may not hear elsewhere:

1. Finding love takes effort.

Don’t believe anyone who tells you that you can manifest a man from the comfort of your meditation room. There is no dating without meeting men and there is no meeting men without making an effort.

RELATED: 10 Dating Tips I REALLY Wish I'd Followed While I Was Single

2. Dating gets trickier as you get older.  

It’s not fair. It’s not right. It just is. The older you get, the more baggage you accumulate, the more baggage men accumulate, and the more independent and set in our ways we become.  

3. Men and women are equal but different.

To be fair, most dating coaches acknowledge the difference between masculine and feminine.

However, most don’t teach smart, successful women how to create a lasting relationship with a smart, strong, successful man. That requires change and the one thing most of us don't want to do is have to change.

RELATED: 5 Must-Know Tips To Keep The Dating Scene From Eating You Alive

4. Most people are good at heart but act selfishly.

It’s easier for advice-givers to validate your every complaint about men without ever asking you to look in the mirror and take responsibility. Why? Because, as I said, it’s easier. It doesn’t cause conflict.

Most relationship gurus are petrified of criticism or worried you won’t buy their products. As long as they tell you what you want to hear, you’ll keep tuning in.

My core value is honesty. As such, I tell you what you need to hear, regardless of whether it’s what you want to hear.

That doesn't mean I’m heartless. All it means is that I care enough to be honest with you — even at the risk of making you upset.

I hope you can see why that has great value. 

Thanks for reading and taking these four truths to heart. I trust they will help you plot a healthier path to understanding men and creating lasting love.

Evan Marc Katz is a dating coach who has been helping singles since 2003. He is the author of four books, most recently, “Believe in Love,” and has been featured in hundreds of media outlets, including Today, the New York Times, and CNN. In 2016, Evan’s blog got over 10 million readers and over 1000 women graduated from Love U, his six-month video course that helps women understand men and find love. 

Watch Dr. Helen Fisher discuss the science behind why we all fall in love with a certain "type".

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