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The Simple Truth About Women & Their Sex Drive You Probably Don't Know

Photo: Unsplash: Atikh Bana
Do Women Like Sex As Much As Men? The Truth About High & Low Libido
Sex

Syncing your libidos doesn't have to be complicated.

A mismatched sex drive is common among couples in long-term relationships. It can happen periodically or it can become a persistent problem.

"Why do mismatched sex drives happen in relationships?" you might ask. "Do women like having sex as much as men do?"

Often, the person who wants sex more in the relationship is labeled as having a higher libido, wanting too much sex, or is told they are a sex addict. These labels are used to shame a person, mostly men, who want to have sex more often than their partner. In turn, their partner feels less guilty for not wanting sex.

Men are shamed for wanting too much sex with their wife and are often labeled as sex addicts. And if it's the woman who wants more sex than her male partner, that's another type of shame.

RELATED: The One Major Thing Women Misunderstand About Their Guy's Sex Drive

So it isn't that all women like sex less than all men do, but rather that we shame people of all genders for wanting sex either too much or too little.

Why do men appear to have higher libidos and want more sex in their relationships than women do?

When boys and girls mature, they both develop sexual desires. But girl’s sexual desire is often looked upon as shameful while a boy’s desire is looked upon as a necessity.

As teens, most boys will masturbate. If they feel a little guilty, talking to friends and getting the OK from societal norms will often reassure them that masturbation is more acceptable for them.

On the other hand, for girls, this is far from the truth. Teen girls are told that they should not feel desire and that masturbation is something that boys did. They are led to believe that they don't need to masturbate, leading many women to masturbate far less than men.

Because of this, women tend to save their sexual exploration with another person whereas a man will share his sexual exploration with himself and others.

Most men masturbate several times a week, some do it daily or even more. Meanwhile, most women do not masturbate daily or even weekly when they are alone and even fewer when they are in a relationship.

This is where the recipe for disaster begins, and we call it a mismatched sex drive.

RELATED: 10 Struggles Only Women With A High Sex Drive Understand

Men have masturbated for most of their lives, pleased themselves, know how to please themselves, and, for the most part, are fine with masturbation.

Women, on the other hand, do not please themselves, do not masturbate frequently, and often wait for a man to please them. Thus, they are not building a sexual pattern of release. Masturbation does not become routine and, in the end, they do not learn how to pleasure themselves.

Since women come into relationships with these sexual patterns, it is no wonder that after the honeymoon stage is over, the sex begins to decrease.

She doesn't masturbate in-between but he does — he keeps to his sexual pattern that is mostly the same as before marriage.

Now, when he wants to have sex regularly but she does not, he is seen as having a higher libido who wants too much sex and thus, he is labeled as a sex addict.

Is there a solution to this problem? The answer is "yes" and it lies with the women, themselves.

Women need to take their own sexual pleasure into their own hands — literally!

Instead of telling your man to quit masturbating, women need to step up their game and masturbate, regularly. Once you get into the habit of masturbating, regularly, then your body will adjust to the sexual release and desire follows. When you have more orgasms, you get to know your body better, strengthen your pelvic muscles, and teach your brain the idea of touch and pleasure, you improve your own sexual health.

Most women wait for the desire to be there before masturbating, but the reality is that, for some women, this will rarely happen. The idea that they must have the desire to masturbate is false because masturbating first will create the desire after.

It’s like going back to the gym for the first time. You have to train your body and mind, but then your body gets used to the exercise and you go because it feels good, and after you work out, it feels really good! Does this sound familiar?

The same goes for masturbation.

The best way to get started is to read an erotic book, have erotic thoughts, watch a good erotic video, use a sex toy, take a hot bath, and play with yourself. Touch and pleasure yourself and when you've gotten into a routine, you can show your partner how they can please you too, but don’t stop masturbating.

When you orgasm more, you get glowing skin, improved vaginal strength, and PC-muscle conditioning. Many women also report that they no longer leak urine when laughing!

After three months of this, you will feel more desire and knowing that you've taken pleasure into your own hands and improved your sexual health will empower you.

RELATED: 9 Weird Things That'll Boost Your Sex Drive

Dawn Michael is a relationship expert, AASECT certified sexuality counselor, certified clinical sexologist, sex educator, sex researcher, author, and public speaker. For more information, visit her website.

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