If You’re Not Satisfied With Casual Sex, Here’s Why It’s YOUR Fault

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casual sex

Don't kid yourself.

I get an email a lot from women. Most tell me they're having trouble understanding the whole hot/cold behavior of men. Well, then, I think to myself, what's the relationship like?

Next comes the sentence that always feels like nails on a chalkboard. They write:

" … This guy I have a casual sex relationship with … There are days when he tells me, I need you. And then we spend some time together, then I get the silence."

These women always say, "I don't think I did anything wrong. I mean, the men are fun and they're flirty and they come on to me and then all of a sudden we have sex, and it seems like they're just disappearing until they want to have sex again."

That's one of the pitfalls of the casual sex relationship. Don't have it if you can't handle it. Casual sex relationships are just that — casual sex.

So you need to define what the relationship is right from the beginning.

If a man is only texting you when he's horny, if a man is only contacting you with dirty messages and naughty pictures, you're in a casual sex relationship.

It's amazing. I tell women this all the time. I say, "You're in a casual sex relationship." And they tell me, "But I'm a prize and I need to be cherished."

Not in a casual sex relationship. You're his "fu*k buddy."

You're his booty call. That's all you are. And you need to know that's what it is from the get-go.

I'm all about defining boundaries, but they need to be defined within yourself first. A lot of women don't define boundaries. A lot of women think that there's some magic in their vagina.

They meet a guy and start sleeping with him. They think the guy's going to become more committed to them because he said he wanted a relationship. But he only said he wanted to be committed because you're giving him great sex.

When men are getting great casual sex and the woman is not asking us for anything more, we think we've won the lottery.

It's like the Super Bowl of sex. We hang out with you for a day, have great sex, and then disappear for a week. Text you and you're ready to hang with us again.

It's like a dream relationship for a lot of men. There's no commitment; there's no talk about relationships; there's no deep conversation. It's just a little playful banter, and then we get in bed. We LOVE IT.

And you give it to us so we think that's what you want too. So the hot and cold behavior is how you set things up with us in the first place.

We like the hot and cold. We don't think we're being hot and cold. We just think we're hot, you're there. You're open to us.

The problem is a lot of you think that you're a prize, and you should be pursued and cherished and you didn't do anything wrong to bring on any silence.

But you did. You didn't set your boundaries. 

If you're looking for a relationship, tell the man you're looking for a relationship, and do not have sex with them until he's willing to commit in a monogamous relationship with you. 

If you tell a guy that you're cool with anything that's going on, he's going to enjoy the casual sex. He's going to enjoy allowing him to have sex with you and then disappear for a week. You're making all of the mistakes. 

You should be irritated at yourself. You're allowing him back in. If he's hot and then he's cold and it goes on and on for several months, it's because you're allowing the behavior. 

He doesn't want to rock the boat. He doesn't want to have the conversation. He's not looking for the "relationship talk." He knows he can be hot with you and then cold, and then come back to you because you're accepting of that behavior. 

If you don't want a casual sex relationship, stand up for yourself, and tell a man what you're looking for.

Be prepared to go without sex for a while. It's perfectly okay. You're not going to die if you don't have sex. (He might.)