5 Ways To Stupid-Proof A First Date

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5 First Date Rules You Need To Know
Love, Self

Spine-recovering, stupid-proofing tactics for first date mastery.

Few things in life are as exciting as a promising first date. Just the anticipation of new love is a full body experience.

Not a single cell is left unaffected. One is never so alive as they are when potential love is in the offing. The chemicals are flowing, the whistles are blowing and caution is tossed to the wind. It’s a perfect set up to get stupid and stay stupid.

Let’s talk about preventing that. Follow these 5 first date rules:

Rule # 1: Leave the bullsh*t at the door.

Do not create their backstories for them. Do not fill in their blanks and gaps. Where they may seem mysterious is simply a lessening of disclosure.

It’s so easy to get caught up in the moment because your chemicals are intoxicating you. To steady yourself, do not add to your story or to theirs.

Rule # 2: No props, costumes, or special effects.

Leave all your bullshit embellishments at home. Preferably in the trash! This is not theater. Well, it is but that’s a story for another day. Regardless, do not go dressed in character as something you wish you were but you’re not.

If you wear makeup, for the sake of all that’s Holy, be recognizable when you remove it! People fall in love with the images and impressions you project. Then you must uphold them to maintain the relationship. If any of those are false or fuzzy, they’re a recipe for disaster. Stop it!

Rule #3: Don't create a new identity for yourself.

Being intoxicated and literally stewed in your raging chemicals tends to beef up your current CV. Maybe you’ve never actually left Kansas, but now somehow, you’ve traveled the Continents, stopped world hunger, you’re being considered for a new series on CBS, or whatever.

Don’t do this. It’s a bell that cannot be unrung! Believe me, more times than not, your date already has you smiling down upon them from a lofty mountaintop. You are far more than enough already. Don’t fuck it up!

Rule #4: No settling, fixing, or excusing. 

Once again, bombed out of your frigging mind on happy love juice, you may fail to realize what you’re doing. You may be choosing to brush away their less-than-endearing qualities. Maybe you decide that you can fix this person or you can excuse and explain away all of their stupid shit… kind of.

Well, here’s the down and dirty. A red flag is a red flag and if it’s too good to be true, you’re dating a liar. Experience has taught you. If it doesn’t fit, you’ll never wear it. Rack it and move on.

Rule #5: No judging or comparing.

This rule may seem in opposition to some of the others, but you’ll soon see that it’s not. It's the most important rule of all. You may be thinking "What if I judge people, things, and stuff as good?"

Judging, labeling, categorizing, segregating, and differentiating in any way limits your capacity to allow for their expansion and growth. The more you judge, the more you’ll begin to fear others are having judgments on you. It’s an insidious loop that grows thicker and sicker with each judgment and suspicion of being judged.

Every living thing is carrying a burden you cannot see and has a story you cannot imagine. Every individual thing, living or otherwise, is much more than it seems. Your life is transformed once you release judging and comparing.

Being freed from the loop, you become much more the person you’ve always wanted to be and the one that others always want to be with.

Living your life without judging or comparing releases you from a bondage, a prison of inner turmoil. When you stop doing it, you’ll soon forget that others may be doing it toward you. Even if they are, you will cease to care. That’s freedom, that’s peace of mind and heart.

Showing up judgment and comparison free on your first date is as good as it gets! All the other rules are automatically fulfilled. You are light, confident, present and stupid-proof!

Now, you can actually evaluate the situation and all its components, calmly and mindfully. Plus, you’ll know you’re always with someone who loves you: yourself, of course! This is the most important relationship of all. The one without which no other relationship can flourish. Once done, the others will be waiting in line.

Life is meant to be exciting, fun and fulfilling. Unless that is your normal experience, something may be holding you back. Maybe you’re even hiding a bit or hiding a bit of yourself. I can tell you there is a whole world waiting to embrace you once you step out of the shadows.

If you find this resonates with you, Chuck Kelley has a book and a website that can take you there. Imagine life being as exciting as a promising first date!