When Sex Hurts ... Am I Allergic To My Husband?

When Sex Hurts ... Am I Allergic To My Husband?

From Sexual Pain to Sexual Pleasure.. Awaken Your Sensual Prime

There’s something painful going on and nobody’s talking… Painful Sex.  It’s difficult to estimate but studies show that anywhere from 13-30 Million women will be affected by vaginal pain at some point in their lifetime.  If you are one of those people who has vaginal pain, it’s really painful and not fun – BELIEVE ME.  My story of vaginal pain started when I went into Peri-Menopause at the ripe young age of 41.  Ouch.  My body closed up and shut down having anything to do with sex.  It was excruciatingly painful and my guy at the time wasn’t a happy camper.

Sexual pain can be caused by a variety of circumstance: injury, childbirth, rape, vaginal disease, trauma, emotional issues, STDs, medication, body changes, hormonal fluctuations, surgery, and sometimes you don’t even know the cause. 

When it happened to me, my world felt like it was closing in and I felt like my body was rejecting me.  I felt totally alone because none of my friends had this issue and even my mom couldn’t relate when I asked her about it.  I started doing some research, which inspired me to “wake up” and find a healthy organic product to make it feel better, Sex Butter!

A little over a year ago I met a woman, Tinamarie, who also experienced sexual pain but for a very different reason.  Tinamarie was 20, married, working in corporate America and her life seemed charmed from the outside looking in.  For years, Tinamarie had been carrying around this secret that she didn’t tell anyone, not even her doctor.  She was ashamed and embarrassed by the pain she felt.  Feeling like she was the only one, she couldn’t bring herself to talk to anyone about it.

Every time Tinamarie and her husband had sex, it felt like there was a knife cutting her body “down there”. Sometimes the pain was unbearable and she felt like she had a “Do Not Enter” sign on her body.  The pain made Tinamarie want to stay as far away from sex as possible and as you can imagine, this didn’t go over to well with her husband who became angry, annoyed, and showed no compassion whatsoever even though she was in so much pain she would cry at time.  Even the thought of a knife cutting your vagina sounds squeamish.

Having sex literally once a year, Tinamarie’s marriage was basically over so she thought – until she found herself pregnant. At Dr. Lissa Rankin office, she had a very painful exam and at the end the doctor asked if there was anything else she wanted to discuss.  With tears in her eyes and the meekest voice possible, out came “sex hurts”.  She finally said it.

Dr. Rankin did what is known as a qtip test and Tinamarie was finally diagnosed with Vestibulitis.  There was no particular reason why it happened and because she was pregnant there was no treatment available so she was told to purchase a vibrator.  As Tinamarie was driving home with all of this new information she thought about the fact that Vestibulitis was an allergic reaction she had during sex and therefore she must be allergic to her husband, the only man she was sexually active with. Can you imagine being allergic to your husband?

The night her son was conceived was the last time Tinamarie had sex with her husband. When her son was two, she ended up leaving the marriage.  At the age of 37, in a therapy appointment, Tinamarie cried her eyes out at the thought of "no man ever wanting her" because she was “damaged goods” and “broken”.

She finally broke down and decided to go buy a vibrator, a scary proposition.  Tinamarie had never been in a sex shop and was uncomfortable at the thought so she invited two friends to accompany her. Looking at the vibrators and realizing she couldn’t even use a Tampon, so how was she going to use the vibrator?  Using the vibrator turned out to be the first time she was able to experience an orgasm without the excruciating pain she had endured for so many years.

Newly single and ready to date, Tinamarie met an amazing man who became her lover.  In their lovemaking, it was the first time in her life she was able to fully experience the healing of sexual pleasure with a man.  For the first time in more than 10 years, she was able to experience pleasure and penetration. After experiencing so much pain, being able to experience so much pleasure was really refreshing in so many ways. She was saved!

The Irony of Tinamarie’s sex life … her first sexual experience included being multiple orgasmic so she was capable of experiencing pleasure in her body.  After many years of experiencing so much pain, it was her new lover who activated her orgasmic sex life once again. 

Tinamarie started to write her story and found she was a great writer.  As people read what she was writing about, she became a paid writer for relationship columns where she could talk about these important issues like: Alternet, Green Profit, Elephant Journal, Owning Pink, Mind-Body-Green, and she was getting all kinds of traction.  As her writing career was building, people reading her writing were privately contacting her asking her if she could help them through their sexual pain. 

It was decision time.  Was Tinamarie going to come out openly and talk about her sexual pain?  It almost felt like admitting you are the poster child for broken vaginas. She realized her calling of bringing the message of sexual healing and sustainability to the world.  Tinamarie connects the dogs between sex, health, body image, eco consciousness, and relationships.  Her background is in science, sales, spirituality, and writing.

Today Tinamarie is a Sexy by Nature Intimacy Coach for women over 35. She works with women on opening up, healing the wounds, letting go of the shame, detoxification from harmful substances hurting lovemaking, and stepping into confidence, sensuality, lusciousness, and helping women wake up their libido.

After meeting Tinamarie over a year ago, we found a kindred spirit in each other.  Two women, working with women on loving their bodies and waking up their libidos so they can step into their most sensually sexual happy lives!  After all, this is big work and we know how to do it!

Awaken Your Sensual Prime, an online virtual retreat, was born out of need, want, desire, experience, healing, love and a realization of both Tinamarie’s and my life purpose.  To find out more about how to recapture what may have once been or may never have been that you truly desire, visit us at www.sensualprime.com. Our next retreat will be starting May 28th and is going to knock the socks off all the luscious women who say YES to life affirming, toe curling, spinetingling, soul lifting pleasure!  Who wouldn’t want that?

There is relief from painful sex.  You are not alone.  You could spend years of your life suffering or you can learn how you can heal and start to feel good again.  After all, isn’t your sex life worth it?