How Each Zodiac Sign Would Dispose Of A Body After Murder
Let's hope you're not squeamish.
getty We’ve already determined that we all have a dark side and that, under the right set of circumstances, we might kill someone. So as long as we’re exploring our creative darkside, let’s consider some of the details. Once you’ve wrestled with your conscious and committed your heinous act, you’re going to have to get rid of the evidence, including the corpse.
You’d want to do it in a way that won’t be traced back to you. Shallow graves aren’t helpful unless you’re trying to send a message or terrify a nation. If you’ve watched or read anything about serial killers or murderers, getting rid of the body is one of the biggest challenges you can face... well, you know, after the whole murdering part.
And since astrology has a lot to do with our behaviors, we know just how the killer zodiac signs would dispose of the body in their own unique way. If you have a strong stomach and are able to handle gore, you’re in luck; if you can’t stand seeing blood and guts, let alone disposing of them, it’s going to be more difficult for you.
You don’t want to pass out while you’re trying to hide the body — that wouldn’t be good. If you were a serial killer, you may want to collect a trophy. Will it be a body part or just their driver’s license?
ARIES (March 21 - April 19)
An Aries probably killed as they do so many things: impulsively. And since they didn't think it through before they killed someone, they'll have a big problem on their hands.
Since the kill was spontaneous, here's hoping that they'd dispose of the body in an act such as pushing someone off a boat so they drowned, or tripped them so they went sailing off a cliff to their death.
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)
A Taurus would give murder a lot of thought, so they'd get rid of the body by putting it in their basement. Then, they would brick up the space so no one would ever suspect there was a body there.
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20)
A Gemini would place the body in an old rocking chair in the attic and talk to it as it mummified. Gemini would look at the body like a friend, the same way that Norman Bates did with his mother's body in the classic thriller Psycho.
CANCER (June 21 - July 22)
If a Cancer killed someone, it would be a mercy killing. They are more likely to be an Angel of Death kind of killer than a hitman. Since they would most likely kill someone who was terminal anyway, their death would appear to be natural causes, and Cancer wouldn't have to get rid of the body.
LEO (July 23 - August 22)
If a Leo killed someone it would be because they were the head of some big crime family, and they'd have their clean-up squad clean up the scene and dispose of the body.
VIRGO (August 23 - September 22)
Virgos tend to not be that spontaneous, so they would fully research "how to commit the perfect crime" before doing anything. Once they had killed, they would stage the scene (including the body) to make it look like self-defense. If they had to stab themselves so they had defensive wounds, they would do so.
LIBRA (September 23 - October 22)
Libras aren't great at keeping secrets, even when their lives depend on it. So if a Libra committed a murder, they'd most likely confess immediately. This zodiac sign would hate going to jail, but would be relieved they didn't have to get messy with a dead body.
SCORPIO (October 23 - November 21)
While Scorpio would murder in the heat of passion, they would take care of the details in a cool, logical way, and break the body down into smaller parts, place those in a steel drum, and pour acid over it.
SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21)
A Sagittarius needing to get rid of a body would probably stick it their car, go on the run, and hope for the best. Maybe they'd find some out of the way spot and bury it there.
CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19)
A Capricorn who needed to dispose of a body would do it in a calm and collected manner. They'd probably try to find an open grave or a casket that fit two and stick it in with another cadaver.
AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18)
Aquarius love new technology and nature, so they'd probably do the murder in a remote location, make a burial pod, and then bury it the wilderness. The whole thing would be very complicated and clever, but Aquarians love a creative challenge.
PISCES (February 19 - March 20)
Pisces is another one who would kill for love and help a loved one with ending their life. Hopefully, this would be in a state where assisted suicide was legal, and there would be a note and video confirming that everything was on the level.
Christine Schoenwald is a writer, performer, and astrology lover. She has written over 500 articles on the zodiac signs and how the stars influence us. She's had articles in The Los Angeles Times, Salon, Woman's Day, and is a contributing writer to Ravishly, I AM & CO, and YourTango. Check out her website, her Facebook writer's page, and her Instagram.