Everything You Fear Most In A Relationship, Based On Your Personality Type

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Everything You Fear Most In A Relationship
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Fear in a relationship varies based on your personality type.

Relationships are hard. No relationship is exactly the same, and each one has its difficulties to varying degrees depending on compatibility and, perhaps to a lesser (but still significant) extent, your personality type.

Depending on your personality type, relationships can have their own set of challenges. For example, every personality type is going to have something specific that totally freaks them out when it comes to romantic relationships. For some, it’s commitment. For others, it’s rejection. And, for some others, it’s something totally unheard of to a different personality type (perhaps highlighting the problem).

It’s important to address our fears (and possible intimacy issues) if we ever want to have a meaningful relationship. Find your Myers Briggs personality type below and see how well it explains your fears about romantic relationships (it just may be eerily accurate).  


1. ISTJ (The Logistician)

ISTJ’s biggest fear in relationships is being with someone that doesn’t share the same traditional values. They take relationships seriously. The fear is rooted in having their partner toy with commitment or play with their feelings. To them, this seems like a waste of time since relationships should be taken more seriously than this (in their opinion).

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2. INFJ (The Advocate)

If you’re an INFJ personality type, your biggest fear in a relationship is being with someone that isn’t as passionate as you are. You naturally rule the heart so if someone isn’t as loving and compassionate as you, it will leave you wondering if your partner truly feels the same way you do.

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3. INTJ (The Architect)

INTJs can deal with being alone. Their fear is to be with someone who can’t give them the level of space they desire. Being alone is not a curse for this personality type but rather a blessing. If the INTJ’s partner can’t deal with the distance in the relationship, the INTJ will feel suffocated.

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4. ENFJ (The Protagonist)

ENFJs are one of the most social personality types. They are charismatic and dating a person who isn’t into the social scene is their greatest fear. You’ll require your partner to admire the social scene the same way you do.

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5. ISTP (The Virtuoso)

If you’re an ISTP personality type, your biggest fear is being with someone who is stuck in their ways. You are one of the most adventurous personality types, so you need your partner to match your energy. Having a good time and experiencing new things is something that makes you who you are and helps you bond with your mates.

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6. ESFJ (The Consul)

Your fear in the relationship is being with someone who isn’t a social butterfly like you. You love to stand out and be the center of attention. You need a partner who enjoys being in the spotlight with you.

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7. INFP (The Mediator)

Your fear is being with a person that isn't compassionate and understanding as you. You aren't the argumentative type. You don't ever want your partner to feel neglected, but you will also require them to think of your needs. Another fear of yours is dating someone who makes impulsive decisions. You are an intuitive person, so you need someone who can make rational decisions based on their gut feeling. 

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8. ESFP (The Entertainer)

You like to be out and about, enjoying life and being in the social scene. Your fear in a relationship is being with someone who can run the show. Your partner needs to be side by side with you, running things and being noticed. You can't be with someone who is closed minded because you are open to possibilities. 

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9. ENFP (The Campaigner)

As an ENFP personality type, you enjoy showing your romantic feelings through passionate love and affection. So, for you, you fear your partner not being touchy-feely enough. This would make you feel clingy instead of the two of you being “on fire” for each other. Your biggest fear, however, is that the relationship won't work out despite your tendency towards “giving it your all.” You’re likely to let a breakup send you into a depression that is fueled by self-doubt and blaming yourself for the breakup.

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10. INTP (The Logician)

For INTP personalities, your biggest fear in relationships is that you’ll fall in love with someone that you cannot be 100% honest with. This personality type values directness and honesty to avoid conflict and develop mutual understanding. You fear falling for someone who won’t understand the intent behind this type of communication strategy because to you this is the only way to achieve intimacy (100% honesty).

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11. ENTJ (The Commander)

For ENTJ personality types the biggest fear in relationships tends to be that the relationship will seem to have a future (but won’t). This tend to be why this personality type can come across as “ruthless” because they are quick to ditch a relationship when they don’t see it having a future. Another fear is that their tendency to take the leading role in relationships will make them come across as “too dominating” and they will lose a potential life-long partner because of it.

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12. ENTP (The Debater)

The ENTPs need to always be growing, meaning that the thing they fear most in relationships is being held back from growing OR finding a partner that does not wish to grow with them as this is what the ENTP wants most out of a relationship — to grow and experience new things together.

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13. ISFJ (The Defender)

The biggest fear in relationships for the ISFJ personality types is their efforts not being appreciated (or worse, criticized). While the ISFJ personality tends to actively enjoy taking care of loved ones and creating a harmonious home life, they will still need this acknowledged or natural self-doubt can come out aggressively. The BIGGEST fear in relationships, however, is putting in the effort and being left without ever reaching the intimate level of a relationship they desired to begin with. Relationships are serious to this personality type and they only go after the relationships they see lasting a lifetime, so the biggest fear becomes the other person not agreeing and leaving them hanging.

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14. ESTJ (The Executive)

ESTJ personality types value honesty and straightforwardness in their relationships. For them, the relationship should always be close to the same since their intentions were always clear. So, for the ESTJs, the biggest fear in relationships is often that their partners will evolve past the stage of the relationship’s beginning and leave them. Not everyone is as consistent as an ESTJ personality type and this is usually what they fear the most — an inconsistent partner.

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15. ISFP (The Adventurer)

For the ISFP personalities, the biggest fear in relationships is often them becoming stagnant and boring. An ISFP personality needs to be looking forward to what is next, so if this isn’t the case they will often not see a point in the relationship any longer. They also worry about not being appreciated in relationships as they need emotional support frequently since they are such an emotional personality type.

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16. ESTP (The Entrepreneur)

The biggest fear in relationships for the ESTP personality is long-term commitment (perhaps especially marriage — *gulp*). Thriving off excitement and nearly constantly seeking a thrill, they easily get bored and let’s be real. It can be hard to keep long-term relationships (especially marriages) this level of exciting.  

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Shavella is an MFA student at Brooklyn College, studying creative writing. She enjoys blogging, reading, volunteering, and working on her novel.

Nicole Bradley-Bernard is a writer who needs coffee more than she needs anyone’s approval. She enjoys putting bright colors in her curly brown hair, spending time outside on cool days and being with her partner in life, Eric, who she considers a continuing source of inspiration.

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