To The Man Who Kicked His Wife Out for Not Having Sex With Him Regularly

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man who kicked out his wife for not having sex with him
Love, Sex

My hope for you, sir, is that your mindset evolves to acknowledge that this is not about the sex.

Dear man of the internet who searched for “Wife won’t have sex so kicking her ass out” and arrived at this website,

I’ve decided to write a direct response to the man who kicked out his wife for not having sex with him. Since I don’t really have a way of knowing which of my article(s) you perused after your search engine of choice brought you here, all my analytics tell me is that this is, in fact, what you typed into the search bar.

I’m not entirely sure what you might’ve been searching for, as this was more of a statement, not a question. But I can surmise that you are probably a little bit frustrated and are perhaps looking for validation to back up your decision to kick your wife’s ass out of the house because she won’t sleep with you.

RELATED: How To Find Hope (And More Sex!) In A Sexless Marriage

The interesting thing about this is that (correct me if I’m wrong) it certainly sounds like this is a conscious choice she’s making. It’s not that she “can’t” sleep with you, or an injury/illness is preventing her from doing so. It’s not that she is traveling and you haven’t gotten your jollies in a little bit.

It’s that she won’t sleep with you. And that is a much bigger problem for your marriage than the other examples I mentioned, believe it or not.

It’s a bigger problem because this isn’t about sex at all. You might think that it is because, well, we’re dudes, so we focus on the end result. Just like we see a woman look beautiful when we pick her up for a date, you know?

But how many of us really stop to consider how much time she put into looking that good for us?

This is pretty much the same thing because you’re focusing on the result, not the reason why that result is occurring. How about what am I doing to make my wife uncomfortable? Why does my wife not feel connected to me? What challenges is she facing unrelated to me, that are crowding her mind? How can I communicate in order to reignite the intimacy in our relationship?

These, in my personal opinion, may be more productive foundations to start from in order to have this conversation and figure out what the problem might be. Additionally, I also feel that if the sex you’re having is so essential to your relationship that you’re literally considering kicking your wife (not girlfriend, not lover — wife) out of the house because of it, then your marriage may not have been built on the proper footing. You know, things like emotional connection, love, effort, and desire to spend a life together.

Believe it or not, you are not alone. Some variation of “why won’t my wife have sex with me?” is literally the #1 search term that has brought people to my website nearly every single day for the past 4 years. Why am I responding to you directly, you ask? Because I can’t recall another time where I’ve seen someone ready to kick their spouse out over a lack of sex.

RELATED: Why Mid-Life Marital Sex Is So Freakin' HOT

Now, in fairness to you, the man who kicked out his wife for not having sex with him, maybe you’ve had countless conversations about frustrations. Maybe she is withholding sex from you as a revenge move or perhaps she is just being vindictive towards you. Maybe there is much more to this situation than I can possibly surmise from a short search term.

However, my guess would be that if that were the case, the subject of kicking your wife out wouldn’t be the sex, it would be how she is emotionally abusive and does not contribute value to the relationship. But again, that’s just a guess.

My hope for you, friend, is that your mindset evolves to acknowledge that this is not about the sex, it is about a deeper emotional and intimate connection that, for some reason, has faded in your marriage. My personal belief is that open and honest communication as a husband often help to move towards a solution, whether that means staying together or going your separate ways in life. A solution is not always pretty.

Either way, though, you and your wife have my positive thoughts and my support because I understand you’re going through a difficult time and none of us can judge what goes on behind closed doors.

Just do me one favor, though: Be sure to sit down with her and have a genuine, heartfelt conversation about what the real problem is before you kick her ass out over not having sex with you.

Why do women deny having sex with their partners? Watch the video below to find out, from real women, the truth:


James Michael Sama is an award winning Boston based blogger on the topics of dating and relationships, having amassed over 30 million readers in just a year and a half. He writes and speaks on the topics of chivalry, romance, and happiness throughout the country and has been featured repeatedly in news segments, talk shows, and mainstream radio.

This article was originally published at James M Sama. Reprinted with permission from the author.