We Asked Women What They Need In Order To Have An Orgasm

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how to orgasm

Listen up!

Okay, so, the female orgasm can be a tough thing to wrap your head around, and I'm not just talking for men. 

You can actually BE a woman and have a challenging time understanding what causes women's orgasms.

That's partly because female sexuality is so much different than male sexuality, and male sexuality tends to be the so-called standard for what is normal when it comes to sex. 

Sure, it's normal, okay - but just for 50% of the population. 

The other reason it can feel impossible to nail down what exactly causes women's orgasms is the fact that there is no magic list.

Sadly, there isn't some hidden piece of papyrus with point by point instructions guaranteed to bring your female partner to climax.

That's because what works to help one woman have an orgasm doesn't necessarily work on another woman.

That's also one of the beautiful things about sex and arousal — we are all so different in our passions and predilections! 

I think if we all spoke more about female orgasm the subject itself would become less stigmatized (as is often the case with ANYTHING that is stigmatized.) 

Females are the only people who have a body part specifically designed for experiencing pleasure during sexual intercourse, so if you haven't thanked your clitoris for the role it plays in your daily life yet, take a minute and high-five the girl.

RELATED: 5 'Golden' Sex Rules To Make You Orgasm EVERY Freakin' Time

I am always curious about how other women's bodies work, and keeping that in mind along with the notion of promoting a conversation about female sexuality, I asked several women (who chose to remain anonymous, for reasons that are totally understandable) what they as women need in order to achieve orgasm.

While there were some similarities, there were also a lot of interesting differences. See for yourself! 

  • “I need lots of time and attention paid to my nipples or it just won’t happen.”
  • “Reaching a point where I’m ready to have an orgasm can be difficult for me. Forget foreplay, I need a partner who can help me just shut my brain off, already.”
  • “If my partner isn’t stimulating my clitoris than there is no chance I will have an orgasm.”
  • “I need to feel the weight of man’s body against mine totally in order to get turned on enough to have an orgasm.”
  • “I can’t have an orgasm unless he has one first. I just find him having an orgasm so sexy.”
  • “Marijuana. I don’t smoke it, I eat it, but there is nothing else like weed to get me horny enough to have an orgasm.”
  • “Sex position. There's a specific spot inside me that when his penis just rubs against gets me off quite well. I have only been able to [sic] climax while I'm on top, with the exception of this one and only time where I was on my back. Also, I found it to be a mental game where I think to myself that I will [sic] orgasm and it makes things easier. It doesn't lessen the experience either. In fact, it makes it better.”
  • “My best advice to make a woman [sic] orgasm for sure is to utilize vibrators. One surefire way is to let the woman use the vibrator on her [sic] clitoris and then the man (or woman) focuses on her labia like a woman would focus on a man's [sic] testicles while he masturbated. It's something that very few men do.”
  • “During masturbation, I generally have my bullet vibe on my clitoris and another object inside me. I move the bullet around pretty frequently during, so there isn't a specific area on/near the clit I use to trigger an orgasm, just that general location. I spent the first half of my life (I'm 18), squeezing my legs to achieve "orgasm" (if you can call it that; they were pretty wimpy compared to the ones I've gotten with a vibrator, but hey, they were orgasms I guess). So now when masturbating, having my legs close together and squeezing whatever object is inside me (dildo, other vibe, etc) is a huge help. Imagining someone sexy/pretending my crush's penis is the object of choice in me helps a lot when reaching orgasm.”

    Related: 9 Easy Exercises For The Best Orgasm EVER
  • “I have an odd fetish (sneezing). He unknowingly triggered it because he had a pretty bad cold and had been sneezing all day. He never made the connection; I'm desperately afraid of anyone IRL ever finding out about it. Even more afraid of a partner finding out and running away in disgust, telling everyone else. Which is a shame because I've really really wanted to repeat that experience. It was one of only two times I've ever had a g-spot orgasm, both of which happened that night.”
  • “Extensive foreplay (fingering) and teasing (kissing, oral sex) and edging (vibrator on clitoris and stopping right before orgasm), leading to a sudden pounding (PIV missionary).”
  • “I have orgasms giving really intense blowjobs so my best recent orgasm was after blowing my husband particularly well (I made it last a long time so he orgasmed extra hard) and then we had sex then he penetrated me with a dildo (shape/size is just amazing), and then I used another toy as the grand finally while he was feeling me up in a way that felt like there were multiple guys on me (a fantasy of mine). I had an absolutely incredible orgasm.”