Why The MOST Successful Women Struggle To Find Love

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why it's hard for successful women to find love

Driven, motivated, and successful women struggle in the dating world. This is why.

It may seem unusual, but it’s not uncommon for driven, motivated, and successful women to have struggled in the dating world. These women often feel that few men make the cut, or when they do, the guy loses interest without much of a clear reason why.

This leaves women feeling frustrated and pessimistic like there are no strong, purpose-driven fish left in the sea that can handle and appreciate them for all that they are.

There are plenty of reasons why it's hard for successful women to find love. And this message is for you if you consistently hear things from the men you’re intimate with:

“Wow, you’re really accomplished…”

“I find you kind of intimidating…”

"I don’t feel like I have any room to be the man in the relationship…”

Why Successful Women Are The Way That They Are

In order to get where you are today and develop success in business, you have had to cultivate a large amount of what is generally referred to as “masculine” energy.

We are flexing our masculine side when we are being directional, action-oriented, assertive, logical, analytical, or a ruthless negotiator.

We are using our feminine side when we are being open, yielding, receptive, flowing, soft, nurturing, warm, and abstract.

The simplest, most straight-forward embodiments of these energies are the erect penis and the vagina. One is hard, blunt, and penetrating, while the other is soft, open and receptive. Another way to put this is that masculine energy is about doing, while feminine energy is more about being.

Regardless of your physical gender, it is a polarity of masculine and feminine energy that sparks and maintains the arc of romantic attraction between two people. Imagine two magnets, but instead of calling the poles “positive” and “negative” we’ll call them “masculine” and “feminine.”

If your magnet has a strong masculine charge and a weak feminine charge, what happens? You will tend to attract other magnets (men) with the opposite dynamic.

To play in the sandbox of the corporate and entrepreneurial world, which was once dominated by men, fostering this masculine edge is a necessary adaptation to be effective, earn respect, and push through the challenges of being a woman in that world.

There’s nothing wrong with this adaptation. But it can become problematic for your love life if there is too much of an imbalance.

Why It's Hard For Successful Women To Find Love

If you reside mostly in the masculine, you might find that you run into a few issues:

  • You attract guys with more feminine energy, who are seeking approval and validation from an authoritative mother figure.
  • You attract guys who are drawn to your drive, beauty, strength, and ambition, but they don’t stick around because they’re missing the sense of a certain je ne sais quoi about you.
  • You perceive men you date to lack a level of personal strength and leadership that you crave in a partner.

Like other women who have experience with these issues, you might have tried one of two things.

  1. Attempt to hide your true self and your opinions, diminish your accomplishments and desires, with-hold your truth and ultimately present what you think it is that men want.
  2. Harden yourself after multiple failed relationships, furthering the belief that “there are no real men in the world today.”


But wearing a mask doesn’t work. One of the last things you should ever do to earn someone’s attention is trying to be someone or something you are not. If you truly believe that you are too much for men, you will continue to attract guys who are intimidated by you or don’t measure up and confirm that deep seated belief.

Thus, the story repeats itself time and time again. And guess what? This is how it works for everyone. We all attract people into our lives who confirm our own internal beliefs about ourselves.

Why Most Men Should Be Scared Off By You

The truth is that your big, bad, bold self will scare some men off. Which is GREAT! Instead of that bothering you, you should be waving a grateful goodbye to those people that don’t have self-esteem high enough to be with a woman who refuses to play small and isn’t afraid to live her wildest dreams.

Yes, being this kind of a woman will shrink the pool of men who are viable suitors for you. But that’s actually a good thing. Simply because of who you are in the world, there is a high-level, uncompromising filter on who is/is not compatible with you. This means you’ll be THAT much more certain, authentically invested, aligned and excited when the right match comes along. It just might take a little longer for you to find than most.

If you have a well developed masculine side, you don’t need to turn the knob down to a 2 out of 10. If you’re looking for a man who has a stronger masculine edge than yourself, try turning up the volume on your feminine energy. Cultivate your softer, more receptive sides, and meet someone who has a genuine strength that you can fully trust, in order to deeply surrender like you yearn to.

It is the nature of a woman to test the foundation and integrity of a man so that she can feel safe and secure with him. But if you hold a lot of masculine energy as a woman, that means the guy will have to have that much more in order to sustain attraction, withstand the intensity of your challenges, and keep you interested.

I’ve been around my fair share of women with a strong masculine side. There’s a consistent, underlying invitation in their communication to be dominated, tamed, and overtaken. And while, initially, it is an appealing challenge that I will happily step up to, eventually, if the woman isn’t cultivating her own sense of trust and softness, it quickly feels like too much work.

It’s the same in how we can help someone to step into their power, or be more assertive, or to have higher levels of self-esteem, but eventually, the work needs to be done by the person who is actually doing the growing.

While there are men out there that genuinely enjoy being submissive to dominant women (all the power to them!), the majority of guys instinctively want to be the primary source of masculine energy in their relationships. The majority of hetero women also want exactly that: the guy to take the lead and feel like they can trust and respect him enough to do so.

But if you haven’t practiced relaxing into your feminine, you’re making it harder for both of you than it needs to be. Plus, you’re not broadcasting the qualities that create the polarity of attraction with these more masculine men and cause you to show up on their radar screen (and by the way, there are tons of them out there looking for a driven, badass woman with focus and ambition).

So, what can you do to authentically amplify your feminine side and adjust your relationship approach?


Sex and relationship coach Jordan Gray helps people remove their emotional blocks and maintain thriving intimate relationships. You can see more of his writing at JordanGrayConsulting.com

This article was originally published at Jordan Gray Consulting. Reprinted with permission from the author.