Why My Life Has Become MUCH Harder Since Coming Out As Transgender

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My Journey To Becoming Me

I lost friends and family for wanting to lead an authentic life.

Life can be tough for anyone. It's even harder for someone that is transgender. I am one of thousands that have had a harder life since coming out as transgender.

My journey has brought out the best in me while bringing out the worst in others. This journey has made me a far better person. My journey is a path I would walk a little differently if my childhood had been different. Then again, everything would be different for me if I had come out during my childhood in the 1990s and early 2000s.

My childhood had been somewhat normal. I didn't realize anything was different for a while. I was a young girl active in sports. At age 4, my family gained a new family member with my younger sister. My first thought was that I was going to be one protective big brother. Mind you, I was four years old, a child.

I was very much in the mindset of being a typical boy — or so I thought. I was able to get away with being a boy most of the time, until my sister was old enough to wear matching dresses.

I still did not fully understand that I was a boy. I never said a word about how I felt. I had gotten the sense it was not something to be talked about until puberty hit me at the ripe young age of 10 and I couldn't ignore these urges anymore. I was mortified by own feelings.

I so badly wanted to tell my mother I was her wonderful, amazing son. Instead, I was told I was female. A girl. Something I did not believe I was. Still, I never said a word. A big part of me regrets never saying anything prior to my mother’s untimely death; The other part of me considered the consequences of not keeping my mouth shut.

When my aunt died in 2015, everything changed. It was either kill myself for not being happy or find out what was wrong with me.

A friend and teacher became the first person to truly help me. He told me of a place in Kendall, Florida that could help me. So off I went. I met a man that was transgender. I would have never thought he was transgender while walking past him on the street. It was the day I finally realized who I was.

I went back to my teacher the following day and revealed that I finally knew who I was. That teacher is a big part of the reason I am still alive today.

Today, I'm point in my life where I am genuinely happy with being who I am and I know I would likely be dead had I not sought help with my identity crisis.

Two years after meeting the teacher that saved my life, I have transitioned to the best to my ability with what little money I had. Transitioning is different for everyone and for me, it wasn't safe for me to transition in the city I'm currently living

My imminent move to New York City will change everything. I plan on coming out as transgender 100 percent by the time I leave — or close to it, anyway.

The last two years have been hard. I've lost family and friends for wanting to lead an authentic life. I am gaining myself, though. I spent years pleasing people and being miserable. Now I'm happy and losing everyone.

But I'm at the point where I no longer care because it was either die being miserable or live and be happy — I chose the latter, even if it means losing the ones I love. Actions speak louder than words and theirs have spoken volumes.

Moving away from the negativity has been the best decision I have made for my own sanity. I'm finally comfortable being myself. In being myself, I am being authentic. My thoughts are different than before. What other people say doesn't bother me because it's only their opinion. I don't take it to heart like I did before. 

My journey to becoming me and coming out as transgender has far from easy. Those that love me no matter what, and who matter what, has helped me in keepin’ on. I have had more people accept me for who I am than not, but what's sad is that it's my own family who has been the most non-accepting. Family is not always family and that's been hard for me to comprehend at tiems.

In coming out as transgender, I'm being true to myself. I'm finally saying, “This is me, who I am, accept me as I am or not at all” to everyone. It has been beyond freeing to be myself.

Coming out is scary, though. But I know it's okay, even if everyone isn't onboard. Because I no longer car. I'm going to be myself no matter what anyone says.

This article was originally published at Brazen Hub. Reprinted with permission from the author.