5 Things I Wish I'd Sold My Virginity For (Instead Of Just GIVING It Away)

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sold her virginity

I was robbed.

Eighteen-year-old Aleexandra Khefren from Romania announced last year that, using the escort service Cinderella Escorts, she would be auctioning off her virginity.

As one does, I guess!

Cinderella Escorts

While it might have taken her a year, Aleexandra's wait has allegedly paid off in the form of $2.5 million from a businessman in Hong Kong. Get it, girl! And also businessman from Hong Kong, I guess. 

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As you can imagine, her family was less than thrilled with her decision to offer up her maidenhead to the highest bidder. They threatened to disown her, but in the end, they seemed to be silent, if not chill, with the entire ordeal.

Aleexandra approached the entire thing with steely logic, deeming it more reasonable to charge a man for the privilege rather than have sex with a man who would probably eventually leave her.

Cinderella Escorts, indeed. 

I didn't sell my virginity, but it certainly took me a while to get rid of it. I did not choose celibacy. It chose me. Lolsob.

We live in an age where people are so super weird about ladies and their hymens. I busted mine trying (and failing) to climb over a fence before I hit double digits, so thank goodness I wasn't born in the Middle Ages. I was also raised in a home where, hymen intact or not, you just don't have sex with a man until you marry him. You know, because religion begets sexism, which leads to "shame on you about your vagina." A terrible but very familiar song. 

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By the time I got over my hang-ups about sex and decided to abandon celibacy, it was a challenge to find a guy who was even WILLING to have sex with a virgin, because there's this idea that a virgin will become so hormone-drunk and dependent on a dude that she will be impossible to shake. I blame the patriarchy, as should we all.

Thinking back on it, maybe I should have sold my virginity!

After all, my first time was a one-night stand with an over-eager stand-up comedian that didn't happen because of throes of passion: I just wanted to get the damn thing over with! If I had known there could have been a quid pro quo involved, that really would've changed things.

Losing your virginity is awkward, uncomfortable, and not that great. It's just something you have to do on that road to sexual maturity. 

If I had to do it all over again here are 5 things I would have gladly sold my virginity for:

1. A Scottish fold cat.

They are adorable and yes, they can haz cheeseburger. 

2. Dinner at Per Se.

God, I have always dreamed of going to some ridiculously pricey restaurant. If a dude wanted to stick it in AND buy me eight courses? I might confuse Earth with heaven. 

3. Cash

I'm no slut (lol, yes I am), but I think I would have happily accepted any amount of money as long as it was over $100. Somehow less than $100 feels like an insult. 

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4. Pizza

I mean, one pie would suffice, but if a man offered me one free pie for a year, that's an offer I would have seriously considered. 

5. A unicorn

If a man wants to get into my snatch so badly he can damn well figure out a way to glue a horn onto a white mare, you know?