Polyamorous Man With 2 Families Says Life Is Easy For Them — And I'm Calling BS

polyamorous couple
Love, Sex

Dude, come on!

Adam Lyons lives in Austin, Texas was his two girlfriends Jane and Brooke. Adam and Brooke have a child together, and now Adam and Jane are expecting their first. Adam was once dubbed "the luckiest man alive," and his girlfriends consider themselves to be a "throuple," a polyamorous committed three-person relationship

When the news covers stories about polyamory, they fall into one of two categories. The first are usually prurient stories about men who have multiple wives because they believe their religion calls for it.

Sometimes these relationships get TV shows like Sister Wives or Big Love. 

Sometimes these relationships are covered on the news when extreme Mormon offshoot religions are revealed when they're marrying child brides off to their crazed religious leader. (FYI: This actually polygamy and is NOT the same as polyamory.)

The second kind of story is almost always about men like Adam. You know, men who have really lucked out! Wow, yeah, that's plucky SOB, he's got not one, but TWO women! How does he do it? How big must his penis be? Boy, how did he pull one over on those broads?

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Both versions of these portrayals of polyamory in the media drive me bonkers because they send this message: Polyamory is perverse, crazy, and anti-feminist. That's the message society gets on the regs about my relationship with my boyfriend and his girlfriend and it's just wrong, wrong, wrong. 

Adam's back in the news these days talking about how "EASY" and "GREAT" it is to raise children with two women helping him out. "With three people, it's logistically so much easier to handle all those things — we share out the responsibilities," says Adam. It's so sweet that we all get to parent and raise the kids together. We have talked about it at length and we all consider ourselves parents to the children." 

No shit, Sherlock.

More hands will inevitability make any task easier to accomplish. But what Adam and Jane and Brooke don't talk about is how hard it is to be with a partner as they bring a new life into the world.

They don't talk about the insane amount of talking and communicating that has to go on to make these relationships work.

They don't talk about how hard it can be.

My boyfriend's girlfriend is due to give birth at the end of the summer, and I'm here to tell you that it's been hard on me. You know what's harder? Me not feeling like I can tell him just how hard it is too often, because I know what shitty position that puts him in.

In many ways, his girlfriend's pregnancy has been the thing that has glued us together as I have written about before. Adam talks about sharing the responsibility in a way that sounds cultish to me. I've already told my boyfriend that when his child is born, I will absolutely not be a part of the nighttime feeding or diaper changing. I don't live with them. I have my own place. I have set up boundaries because I think that's important. 

But don't confuse my trust and love for my boyfriend for some sort of poly mind control that has me convinced my life is perfect. It's not. It's hard. It's tough. There are hurt feelings. It's a lot like any other relationship in that respect. 

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I guess people are always going to be fascinated by things they don't understand, stuff they see as being taboo, and I know polyamory falls into this equation, but for the love of God, we are more than three people who have sex. We are three people who struggle every day to make this beautiful, crazy thing we have not just work, but last, too.