An Ode To The Average Sized Penis

Photo: WeHeartIt 
average sized penis

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

Oh, average sized penis, how we pine for thee, flaccid and nestled in your mound of pubic hair, a chubby baby starling just waiting for the spring when it will be safe for you to emerge in all your hard (but still average) glory. 

Oh, average sized penis, there are penises that are smaller than you, there are penises that are much larger, but neither of them are you, and both are the worse for it, oh wonderfully average sized penis. 

Oh, average sized penis, a small penis is well-intentioned, but often unsatisfactory, "is it in?" its rallying cry, accompanied by a soupçon of insecurity and pettiness. 


Oh, average sized penis, when you are in, we know you are in. When you are in, we do not have to flinch or grit our teeth. When you are in, we know, that while we might chafe, walking the next day will be just fine, because of the average sized loving you so eagerly provided. 

Oh, average sized penis, you are tasteful and discreet. You stay hidden in even in skinny jeans, but when you are covered in basketball shorts you still give us something to gaze upon. 

Oh, average sized penis, how you are always up for a challenge. You have not met a hole you were not eager to tackle with your can-do attitude. While other penises might shrivel away from the rigors of anal play or leave us raw and bloodied, you sir, are a smooth operator. 

Oh, averaged sized penis, you are a study in humility. You know your place, and it's inside a humble pair of boxer briefs, nothing showy. You might own one pair of "sexy" drawers, but by and large, your penis is at his best when he is dressed to play the part he plays everyday: the affable, everyday dude. 


Oh, average sized penis, you are confident but not cocky. You have bends and twists in all the right places and you are not ashamed because it is those surprising bends and jaunty twists that give you personality, that make you, well, you. 

Oh, average sized penis, perhaps what is best about you is that you are often attached to men who are anything but average. The men who carry you about hither and yon are sweet and good-natured. They are not arrogant, yet not lacking in any sort of confidence. They carry themselves about much the way you carry yourself around: with a naked, smiling openness that's just begging to be held and touched and taken on the ride of a lifetime. 

Oh, average sized penis, there is nothing remotely average about you at all! You stand (or hang) as a beacon for all other penises, fleshy and eager, and ready to be welcomed into even the darkest, wettest, hovel, of a home.