8 Problems Only Polyamorous People Have (Because 3 CAN Be A Crowd)

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polyamorous problems

It's not all fun (and great sex).

I am a monogamous person in a polyamorous relationship

That's right, my boyfriend has a girlfriend. It's sitcom fodder, I mean, if HBO had three-camera sitcoms complete with laughing studio audiences. 

In many ways, my relationship with my boyfriend (and his girlfriend) is no different the relationships people in monogamous couples have. 

But I'd be lying if I didn't say that there were *ahem* a couple of special reasons that make it just a little bit different.

Every relationship has its challenges. My polyamorous relationship is no different. 

Here are just a few of the problems that only polyamorous people can understand. 

1. Trying to schedule dates 

I don't know how polyamorous folks survived before the age of Google Calendar. Before I met Buddy, I was pretty hopeless when it came to managing my schedule. But that was okay, because it was just me. Now that I'm in a polyamorous relationship I am married to calendar. Being rigorous about my time management is the only way I can absolutely sure I'm seeing my dude instead of just texting him GIFs of ridiculous animals which he will inevitably delete because he has no soul (jk...kind of) 

2. Figuring out who used what sex toy last

Rob's girlfriend Merida and I get along really well. In fact, we get along so well that sharing of sex toys is a common occurrence. There's a whole other level of forethought that goes into playing with sex toys when you're sharing them with multiple people. Who cleaned it last is probably foremost in those concerns. 


3. Trying to get alone time 

Buddy and Merida live together and have for years, so they've got their "I need alone time" stuff well-figured out. Since I don't live with them, you'd think I'd have built in time by myself. But the problem there is that I've been single for so long that my friends are used to having constant access to my person.

When I'm not balancing my time with Buddy and Merida, I'm balancing my friends and trying desperately to get alone time. I usually spend this alone time napping. Which we all know doesn't even really count as "real" alone time. 

4. When you get jealous ... sort of 

People often talk about jealousy in open or polyamorous relationships, but jealousy crops up it often isn't the way you think.

When I get jealous it's never because I don't think Buddy loves me, or because I fear he loves Merida "more", I get jealous when they do something fun and I feel like I'm missing out. Like if we're all watching a TV show together and they watch the next episode without me? BETRAYAL. 

5. Balancing everyone's food preferences 

I love to cook. I love to cook for the people I love, particularly. That's all well and good unless you're in a relationship with two other people who have two very different sets of food preferences. I'm an annoying foodie of the highest order who has mostly be reduced to preparing different variations of chicken and rice. PITY ME. 

6. Trying to go to bed at night 

We all share a bed when I sleep over at their place. We all go to work at different times. This usually means we all go to bed at different times. In the same bed. This one is actually not as tough as I thought it would be. There was definitely a learning curve, as any triad can tell you, I'm sure. 


7. Figuring out whose clothes are whose

Ever put on a pair of underwear and had to stop and seriously try to figure out whether you were wearing your own panties or someone else's? This is every single day. My boyfriend is constantly "returning" items of clothing to me that were never mine to begin with. 

8. Trying to travel together 

I have no problem with the fact that I am in a polyamorous relationship. But other people do. I don't care what they think, but I will say it is deeply uncomfortable to be in an Uber with a stranger who asks if you are your boyfriend's girlfriend's mother.

Also this happened on my birthday. Many wrinkle creams were purchased this day.