When It Comes To Love, Is It Really Possible For Someone To Change?


When it comes to "changing for love" you get two arguments: why won't s/he change their rotten behavior for me?  Or why did s/he change AFTER we fell in love? It seems in the realm of changing we're either hunting for it or rallying against it. 

In light of Brangelina's recent breakup (we really did hope they would make it), we decided it was time to find an answer to this question once and for all. 

Because now we're wondering: did they ever have a chance at all?

We took this question to our experts.  Here's what we learned:

1. There is SO much in the numbers.

Watch the video to hear how the numbers laid out.  

2. We ALL change over time — whether we like it or not.

John Gray, author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus brought in the relational angle and shared some wisdom around how we naturally change over time.  HINT, we all change.

3. If you want things to work, you have to respect and BELIEVE each other.

And if it's change you're seeking, according to life coach Noreen Ehrlich, you must get OUT of fear and into love. Leadership & life coach Katherin Scott agrees, sharing who is honest in relationships, and who is NOT.

The bottom line here is that we all want our partner to do better when they let us down. I'm sure if you asked Brangelina what their biggest disappointment in their marriage was, their answer would be clear: my partner isn't the person they promised they would be when we got married.

This "predictable disappointment" is something you can prepare for, instead of being surprised by it. The choice is up to you.

What we do know is that change is inevitable. But hoping, wishing, cajoling, lying or even praying your partner will change isn't enough to make it happen.


Real change takes effort and intention — as well as choice.

If you're dealing with a difficult partner who isn't giving you what you need, take it to the Experts to see what you can do. Melanie Gorman (YourTango Expert Senior VP) is joined by John, Noreen and Katherin to discuss. 

Some relationships really CAN be saved — it's not as if every relationship that has disappointments is DOOMED to fail. Our best advice: instead of "wishing" for change, get proactive so you can create the changes you need today. 

Need help? John's website offers his time-tested books and workshops and Noreen and Katherin are available for personal coaching.