I Can't Tell You I Love You (But I Wish I Could)

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I Can't Tell You I Love You (But I Wish I Could)
Love, Heartbreak

We may be happiest just like this.

All those songs, poems, plays, and movies that advocate proudly and boldly declaring your love no matter the cost are full of simple ignorance and outright lies.

It's selfish of me to bring up that I deeply, honestly love you. It would be messy, it would hurt people, and while I think you're worth the guilt I'd feel in the aftermath, I'm not sure I could endure it.

And I do love you, by the way. I love you completely, both passionately and objectively. The way we are candid, irreverent, and even brash in our honesty about ourselves with each other has let me see the sides of you that you seem ashamed to show those you're trying to impress.

But I'm in love with all of you anyway, warts and all.


What's more, I love how comfortable we are together and how we can pick right back up where we left off at any point. I like to imagine that a romance between us would be no different than how we are now, but with more touching.

I love the idea of being together when we're together, and when we're not, living different facets of our own lives. I don't need you all to myself all the time; I never have. I just secretly wish for a bigger part of you than I have now. I'm unable to dream up anything better than what we have but I'd add in a dash of intimacy.

But I keep my mouth shut and my hands to myself because I know better. I know that our society still isn't at a point where we're willing to accept that people can have romantic feelings for more than one person at a time. Just because I believe that loyalty and fidelity are completely different things in a relationship doesn't mean I'm willing to hurt those people who disagree with me, inadvertently or otherwise.

I'm not here to wreck anyone's home, steal anyone's true love, or create discord for anyone on either side of the fence. I just want to love you.


Luckily, I can do that on my own, without needing anything from you. I can thoroughly enjoy the parts of you that you share with me, do my best to reciprocate the joy our interactions give me, and wish you the very best when we part ways at the end of the day.

This isn't to say that it doesn't hurt wanting more it absolutely aches sometimes but I see that both of us are, ultimately, very happy right now exactly where we are. I can recognize that interrupting that with my complicated emotions would make me the villain, and that's something I refuse to be in your life.

Simply put, you make me happy as you are at this moment, and you're happy where you are. Developing something more with you doesn't guarantee that either of us will be any happier than this and I'm smart enough to know that loving someone means facilitating their bliss when possible.