Young Adults Prefer Eating Burritos To Having Sex, Says Science

Photo: WeHeartIt
burritos and sex

Somebody pass the chips, please.

Holy guacamole! 

A recent study conducted by Moe's Southwest Grill (yes, I know, verily, a lauded academic institution) has revealed that most millennials eat at least one burrito a week. 

Okay, cool, good to know but not exactly groundbreaking. I mean, after all burritos are delicious and I absolutely have the tummy to prove it. Werd up, curvy girls

But let's compare that number to the sex lives of millennials. Surely if they are living to such hedonistic excesses they must be having ALL KINDS of nasty fun sex all the time, right?

Nope. Wrong. 

It turns out that 15% of young millennials polled (ages 20 - 24) have on average ZERO new sex partners after they turn 18.


I don't. I can't. I. What?

This study indicates that millennials obsession with technology (and apparently burritos I guess) and social media keeps us from having a lot of sex. 

Damn you, Chipotle! Why must you be so delicious?

I'm pleased to report that members of Generation X asked the same question and only 6% of respondents polled had zero new sex partners after 18. 

Yeah, that's right, Generation X, you continue to get down with your bad selves! 

The study doesn't say if these millennials are just more monogamous, but given the popularity of Tinder I'm going to go ahead and say no. Mind you, I'm not slut-shaming mills, I just think it's best if we keep it real here in this post about about my two favorite things, burritos and sex. 

I love sex. I also love burritos. But it seems insane to me that people are willing to give up one in favor of the other. 


I think clearly what we need here is a movement that incorporates the two. 

Think about it, a penis is basically designed to painted with refried beans and wrapped with a flour tortilla! The oral sex games practically invent themselves. 

Hell, if my dude isn't down for some burrito based food play, I'm down to be the burrito bowl. That said, even making that joke I think maybe gave me the beginnings of a yeast infection.

It's awesome that the younger generations are so passionate, I just wish that this passion extended out of the kitchen and into the dining room.

Life may be short, but surely there is enough time during our brief walk on this earth to enjoy as many burritos and as much sex as we like.