How To Stop Being SO Judgmental (& Start LOVING Your Relationships)

Love, Self

Judging a person doesn't say much about who THEY are, but it says a lot about who YOU are.

Why do we feel the impulse to judge other people? Why do we think we are entitled to criticize others, either mentally — or worse — verbally?

What does it say about us when we judge someone else? Ever more, what does it say about us when we judge our partner in a relationship?

Well — for one — we ALL do it. Seriously, I think it would be safe to say that there is not one human being that has never had a judgmental thought.


Think you’re not a judgmental person? Try this: take a day — heck, take an hour — to REALLY pay attention to your internal dialogue about what you see, read and hear. What's your first (HONEST) reaction to events in the news, posts on social media, people you see or talk to? What about during your interactions with coworkers, friends and family? 

I’m even doing it HERE ... judging you for being judgmental! (Sorry!)

Becoming aware of all the negative chatter in your head is a sobering exercise of self awareness. By becoming aware of this bad habit we are also saving ourselves from future hurt in a relationship.


Being judgmental is a flaw that seems to be inherent in our nature. It goes hand in hand with fear and anger, and sometimes feels like an involuntary knee-jerk reaction.

But why does it feel like we're wired for this negative behavior? Is it part of our primal fight-or-flight syndrome - attack before we’re attacked? Is it compensation for not being in control of something in ourselves or our lives? Does it purely stem from our egos or the need to feel superior to others?

Can we truly control our reactions? What impact does this trait have on our relationships?

We Heart It

How do we pause, reflect, and recognize what is going on in ourselves when we judge someone or when we react negatively when they judge us?

These are some of the tough and thought provoking questions that our YourTango Experts panel members address in today's video.

Melanie Gorman (YourTango Experts Senoir VP) hosts this extremely informative session and there are some wonderful perspectives from Author John Gray, Personal Development Coach Jan Bowen, Speaker/Presenter Jill Crosby and Marriage/Family Therapist Nasrin Barkhordari. Quite enlightening, to say the least!

“Judge nothing, you will be happy. Forgive everything, you will be happier. Love everything, you will be happiest.”  — Sri Chinmoy

These experts have so much relationship and self growth information on their websites. Take a peek and feel free to contact John, Jan, Jill or Nasrin if you'd like to learn more about how they can help YOU control your judgment.