3 Things High-Standards Women Do When A Man Refuses To Commit (That Make All The Difference)
In a culture of commerce, even in romance, quality counts.
Roberto Hund | Pexels Taking control of your future means raising your standards so you only allow high-quality people into your life. People who will treat you right and give you what you need. This is especially important if you find yourself in a relationships with people who refuse to commit, or who lie or cheat.
Not letting your true feelings be known will only create more pain in the end. You aren't going to convince anyone to see you as worth committing to, no matter how wonderful you are. All you can do is set high standards and walk away if your partner doesn't meet them. For ideas of what standards to set, we look to the women who refuse to be taken advantage of for inspiration.
Three things women with high standards do when their partner refuses to commit:
1. They stop pretending to be OK without commitment
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If you’ve been dating for a long time and wonder why he hasn’t talked about taking the next step or proposed, it’s time to stop guessing and have a conversation. You need complete honesty in a calm, respectful dialogue.
That means you must respect yourself enough to stop pretending you’re OK without the proposal, ring, and marriage.
While this is not a conversation to have on the first few dates, he must know about your future desires before either of you commits to an exclusive relationship. This way, neither of you will be wasting the other’s time if marriage is not even on the table as a future possibility.
Assuming you’ve been in an exclusive monogamous relationship for a reasonable length of time (your definition of months or years, not weeks) and he seems content to carry on like this indefinitely, it’s time to revisit your desires.
You could say something like, “I’m feeling a bit confused lately and would like to check in with you to see if we're on the same page. I love our relationship and the life we’ve been living together. I also want you to know I’m not going to be happy with continuing to just be boyfriend and girlfriend forever. I’m wondering how you feel about where our relationship is going.”
Stop, breathe, and say nothing to give him a chance to respond. His response will tell you everything you need to know to move ahead with your life.
2. They stop accepting excuses
If he says he’s not ready for marriage, please know he’s probably not being honest with you. What he means is he’s not ready for marriage with you.
Yes, it is personal to you because if you’ve had a balanced relationship with emotional, intellectual, spiritual, and physical intimacy, he wouldn’t be making excuses; he’d be making plans for your permanent future together.
You should know now, regardless of the length of time you’ve been in the relationship. Express your gratitude for his willingness to talk with you about this subject and let him know you’ll be giving your relationship with him serious thought right away.
Make sure he knows your desires have not changed and you’ll be quickly making important decisions to move forward with your life, quite possibly without him.
No demands, no ultimatums — they never work out long-term. Be sure you feel confident and truly ready to accept the outcome before you have this crucial conversation.
3. They start making new plans
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This means you must be ready to part ways and live your own life. Find your measure of happiness. Keep your options open. Don’t give up hope; there is a match for you.
I know you’ve invested everything in this relationship, and now it’s time to show yourself that you matter, your future matters, and you’re unwilling to hang out any longer in this indefinite limbo-land, hoping and praying he’ll have a change of heart. That’s unlikely to happen, according to Pew Center Research from 2020, and the situation has only worsened.
If he says reluctantly, "OK, let’s get married," please know his lack of enthusiasm will be toxic to your future together. Do you want to marry someone who acts like he's being led off to prison?
A mature man who is head-over-heels in love with you will be overjoyed at the thought of spending the rest of his life with you as husband and wife. Don’t settle for a quick, “OK, let’s put a ring on it,“ or “Let’s get married.”
You want a real proposal, and so does he. Most men love being romantic, especially with a woman who responds joyfully to their heartfelt gestures.
Remember, you can’t answer a question you haven’t been asked. It doesn’t have to be fancy, super expensive, or exotic, but his proposal does have to be genuine and come from a place of love and desire, not demand.
Gayla Wick is a transformational love coach, speaker, and author of The Art of Attracting Authentic Love.
