6 Common Mistakes That Cause Promising Relationships To Fail In The First Few Weeks
Small missteps that can sabotage even the most promising new relationships.
Coleman Glover | Unsplash The beginning of a new relationship is one of life's most thrilling experiences. There's the excitement of discovering someone new, the butterflies that come with those first meaningful conversations, and the hopeful feeling that this person might be someone truly special. When the connection feels genuine and the potential seems limitless, it's natural to want everything to unfold perfectly.
Whether you're kissing too many frogs at the bar, dating too many Mr. Wrongs, or searching too hard for Mr. Right, these top dating mistakes are crimes all women in their 20s have committed. Laugh, cry, and try not to grimace too hard as we roll through the biggest no-nos all 20-somethings are guilty of.
Here are 6 common mistakes that cause promising relationships to fail in the first few weeks:
1. Putting too much pressure on a relationship
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Rome wasn't built in a day — and neither was your future. Stop trying to make every guy you meet into The One.
Stop thinking about said One because, chances are, there's going to be a lot of them: the one that made you more vital; the one that made you more independent; the one that taught you how to do that thing with your iPhone ... and so on.
You have time to figure out who you will spend forever with. Right now, just figuring out how to afford rent and happy hour. One study explained that one partner over-investing emotionally early on can create an unhealthy dynamic where the other feels less need to contribute, leading to resentment and feelings of being taken for granted.
2. Judging a book by its cover
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The guy in the bar with the weird hair and the avocado tattoo? Well, you don't know it right now, but he's going to be your first everything — and well, maybe your last everything, too, if you'd only wipe that judgmental scowl off your face.
Once you open your mind, you'll be surprised just how beautiful (and weird) that guy is. Do yourself a favor: surprise yourself.
3. Not standing up for yourself
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If I knew then what I know now, I would slap myself silly. Let them hear you roar. Chivalry may be dead, and sometimes you fall into the Betty Draper role of your relationship now and again, but here's the deal: in love (and in life), no one will stand up for you more than you can stand up for yourself.
When individuals fail to assert their needs, preferences, and boundaries, they may feel their needs aren't being met or acknowledged by their partner. Research has concluded that this can lead to resentment building up, which can damage the emotional intimacy and connection within the relationship.
4. Being afraid to take a chance
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Sitting back and hoping Ryan Gosling will walk into the bar you're desperately hiding in? As much as I want to say it could happen, it won't. It's easier said than done, but here's a tip: stop being so timid and put yourself out there.
Be vulnerable. Take chances. Say "I love you" even if you're not sure he'll say it back. Say "no" to intimacy. Say "yes" to that blind date. Keep moving as far away from your shell as possible.
5. Moping when things don't work out
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Pick yourself off that couch and step away from the slow-churned ice cream. It gets better, I promise. The thing about the post-breakup moping phase is that it feels productive, but it's the emotional equivalent of quicksand. The longer you stay in it, the deeper you sink, and the harder it becomes to remember what solid ground feels like.
6. Stringing someone along, just because
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If it's not the relationship of your dreams, let them know and go. The Golden Rule of Life (and existence) is that you should treat everyone the way you want to be treated. The same goes for dating.
Studies have shown that uncertainty about a partner's romantic interest can even decrease physical appeal, as people may distance themselves to protect against potential rejection. You don't want someone to lead you on just because, right? You're not doing any favors by playing the martyr. Trust.
Kylie McConville is a freelance writer, editor-in-chief at Elite Daily, and founding editor of Romper. Her bylines have appeared in BDG, Yahoo, Bustle, Elite Daily, Romper, The Bump, and others.
