How My Super-Low Sex Drive Actually Makes Me Feel ... Sexier

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Strangely Low Libido Made Me Feel Sexier

When my husband and I started dating, I was very inexperienced in the sex department. As our relationship developed and we began having sex, I realized what I'd been missing and was eager to make up for lost time. Our relationship was long-distance, so whenever we saw each other we were all over one another.

Fast forward to a few years later when we moved in together. All of a sudden, we were no longer on the same page. My husband was unemployed due to the economic downturn, and as a result, seriously lacking in the libido department.

Sex was still relatively new to me, and I was young and horny. So when he'd turn me down, even if it wasn't frequently, I took it personally. Was I not attractive enough? Was I bad at sex? What was wrong with me?

Now that I'm older and wiser, I realize there was nothing wrong with me.

We've been together for nine years now and have two kids under the age of three. But the amount of sex we've had since having children has drastically diminished. We're both exhausted and my body has been occupied growing and feeding babies, so there hasn't been much energy left for sex.

Recently though, my husband's libido has picked back up and he wants to have sex pretty much all the time, while I'm still dealing with post-baby body image issues and lack of energy. Obviously, I'd prefer if our libidos were at the same level but lately, I've actually found myself enjoying the act of being desired even if I'm not the one initiating. After experiencing years when my libido was higher than my husband's, it's kind of nice to be the one that's a little more "hard to get."

He constantly tells me how hot I look when I'm doing super-mundane things like making dinner and even though it doesn't necessarily turn my on right away, it does make me feel sexy. He's also WAY more touchy-feely than he was a few years ago; my boobs pretty much seem to be an open invitation to be fondled. 

Since I struggled with feeling sexy after having children, it's nice to have a man constantly putting the moves on me and helping me realize I'm still sexy and desirable. Although my libido is suffering currently and I often feel bad for turning my husband down, it's a good sign that I'm happy and even a little turned on by the fact that he still wants me.

His libido is obviously much higher than mine these days and it makes me feel sexy being the one that's always in "higher demand." It's crazy that having a lower libido actually making me feel sexier.

Even when it's frustrating that my kids seem to drain me of all of my sexual energy, I'm glad I'm still capable of feeling sexy. It's also interesting that my libido and feeling sexy don't necessarily go hand-in-hand. 

I hope my libido will return eventually, as women in their 30s and 40s actually experience a greater sexual desire than women in their 20s, but until then I'm choosing not to worry about it too much.

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