5 Legit Ways To Respond To RIDICULOUS Online Dating Messages

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I can't believe people like this even exist.

I'm no spring chicken when it comes to dating sites. I've been on and off OkCupid for about four years now. I don't know if that says I'm really picky or that I'm just a bad girlfriend.

Throughout my years, I've seen the gamut of messages. You name it and I'm sure at one point or another I've received it. Men proposing to me. Men telling me what kind of sexual things they'd do to me. And, of course, men somehow finding a way to send me a picture of their (usually lackluster) penis.

I'd say a solid 80 percent of the messages I receive are pretty insane. So, here I bring you the five ways to respond to ridiculous online dating messages:

Response 1: Be as ludicrous as possible.

Let's face it, sometimes you just aren't interested. What better way to convey that non-interest by saying something absolutely absurd? Maybe, just maybe, they'll think that I'm the crazy one and should stay far, far away. (Spoiler alert: it never works.)

Response 2: Tell 'em about your family history

Oh, come on. You know this guy was just trying to figure out my religious background! Wait, no, he really did just call me an antisemite. For those interested, I told him I wasn’t interested and then he decided to call me antisemitic. How do these people even exist in the world?

Response 3: Ask him to clarify his message.

I get it, I get it. Sometimes English isn't someone's first language, but I was just genuinely curious what this guy meant. Who knows, maybe he was into chicks who don't have teeth!

And, yes, it's true: I still don't wear dentures. Thanks for the braces (and subsequent Invisalign), Mom and Dad!

Response 4: Congratulate him on his award-winning message that I’m sure has gotten him a few dates before.

Need I say more? To be honest, I'm gonna take that whole "abominable p*ssy" insult and turn it into a compliment. I bet no one has called your vagina an abomination.

Response 5: Because sometimes, just saying "What the F*CK" is enough.

No, but seriously. What do you even say to this other than "WTF?" On a scale of 1 to even, I just can’t.

I hope I've taught you fine ladies and gents how to respond to your endless bounty of OkCupid messages.

Maybe you feel better about yourself and your messages, or maybe you're saying, "Crap! She wrote about me!" In that case, sorry, not sorry.

This article was originally published at thisisquarterlife.com. Reprinted with permission from the author.